Always You: Take 2
by iamtheunknown15
Summary: Det. Olivia Benson and ADA Alex Cabot certainly have never shied away from the most grueling and dangerous situations. Yet after their long-awaited nuptials, they find themselves dealing with a new set challenges, some more painful than others. At least now they can get through them together. Maybe. Reworking of the previous "Always You" but plot differs so please take a look!
1. Chapter 1

**Always You: Take 2**

**Author's Note: **Hello all! Thank you for checking out my story. This is actual a rewrite and continuation of a story I had been working on before a very long hiatus. Therefore, if you do not want to see any spoilers, please do not read, "Always You" version 1, as this story will follow the same plot template. I'm very excited to look at this story with a fresh set of eyes, and I hope you enjoy! I would also really appreciate reviews, including constructive criticism, as I am hoping to improve :) Thanks!

**Disclaimer:** In a world where I owned Law and Order: SVU, Olivia Benson never would have dated Brian Cassidy.

**Rating:** Not quite sure where this all falls on the rating scale. Profanity will be used. Some violence also, because police drama. In terms of sexytime, I've yet to be able to write smut. I always wind up blushing. But, we'll see ;) So this is M to be safe, but most likely more T.

**Chapter 1: Morning Lullabies**

Alex's eyes flickered open slowly, adjusting to the sunlight that was finally peeking through the sheer voile curtains, illuminating the hotel suite with a soft glow. She sighed contently and smiled to herself, remembering once more why she was not waking up in her usual Upper Westside brownstone. Her smile went from content to amused when she suddenly felt a light caress traveling further and further up her thigh.

"Just what do you think you're doing," she teased, swiftly capturing the wandering hand with her own slender fingers. She felt the grin of her partner press against her neck before hearing her respond, voice still husky with sleep.

"I just couldn't resist. Excited utterance, Counselor," Olivia responded, eyes still pressed shut as she intertwined their fingers and rested their hands on Alex's hip, gently pulling closer.

Alex smiled, cuddling further into the embrace as she felt several sleepy kisses being placed along her neckline. "Detective, excited utterance only applies to verbal statements. Perhaps you should refrain from attempting to use legal jargon while half-asleep," she teased, earning a snicker.

"Yeah well, who is it to blame for keeping me up so late... or should I say early."

Alex grinned and swiftly flipped over, moving to straddle the detective, pushing the covers aside haphazardly to inadvertently reveal both women's bare skin to the morning sunlight. The pale expanse of Alex's body seemed to clash against Olivia's olive tonality, yet their two bodies fit together seamlessly, each curve melding into one another, like matching puzzle pieces. Holding both of Olivia's hands tightly in her grasp, Alex leaned over so that her lips were mere centimeters from her lover. Olivia could feel the warm breath against her as Alex whispered, "I plead the fifth."

Olivia laughed before quickly flipping them over so that she was on top, balancing on her elbows to hover over Alex. "Oh yeah?" she questioned playfully, quirking an eyebrow. Alex nodded, stifling a giggle. "Well Ms. Cabot-Benson, I'd move to say you were a co-conspirator. But of course it would be best for me to find some evidence..." Flashing a quick smile, Olivia leaned down and pressed an open-mouthed kiss just above Alex's naval. Palming both of her wife's breasts, she continued to move slowly down her body, earning several moans.

"Oh... yes... Liv don't stop," Alex sighed, closing her eyes contently as she arched forward off of the plush pillows, gently clutching the sheets tangled beneath them. The brunette had just reached her destination when the couple was interrupted by the shrill ring of a cell phone.

Feeling her partner stop her ministrations, Alex sighed heavily, falling gracelessly back against the bed. "Fuck..." Olivia muttered, lifting her head and crawling up towards the bedside table. "Sorry, Lex, I thought I had turned it off." She checked the caller I.D. and sighed, sliding her finger across the screen to answer the call. "Hey El..."

Alex rolled over onto her side, resting her weight on her elbow as she watched her wife. Wife. As irritated... well, sexually frustrated, as she was right now, she couldn't help but warm up slightly to that thought. Almost instinctively, she began twist the band that now adorned her left ring finger, sitting just above a matching diamond-studded engagement ring.

"Ugh, shit yeah I do," Olivia said, combing her fingers through her short hair in frustration. "Sorry," she mouthed to Alex, who nodded understandingly, moving to rub her hand comfortingly along Olivia's thigh. Unfortunately, this seemed to have another effect on the brunette, who bit her lip in an attempt to focus on her conversation. "What? Sorry, yeah... yeah, El, I can bring it bye. Okay. Not a problem," Olivia said before sighing heavily, tossing her phone onto the bed.

"What did Elliot want?" Alex asked, curious as Olivia had been given a well-deserved week off for their honeymoon.

Olivia groaned, standing to get up off of the bed "I'm an idiot and I left a file that he needs on the table at home, so I have to go bring it to him because he doesn't have a key to the new place yet." She began to walk around the room, picking up the clothing that had been strewn across the room in the hast of the prior evenings. She leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on Alex's forehead. "You can stay here if you want and get some rest. We don't have to check out until noon and I'll be back by then."

Alex moved her hands to hold either side of Olivia's face, kissing her briefly. "No I'll come with you. We might as well get home sooner to make sure that everything is packed. Plus I'll stop by the precinct with you to make sure everything is squared away. And to see the guys."

The two finished gathering their things, took two very cold showers, checked out, and stopped back at their apartment to before heading downtown. While Alex headed over to her office to make sure that her cases were properly covered for the upcoming week, Olivia headed into the precinct, file in hand.

As she entered the room, Elliot smiled appreciatively, taking the file from her before slapping his arm around her shoulder. "Hey partner," he said with a smirk, "How'd things go last night?"

Olivia blushed, rolling her eyes before grinning up at her best man. "It was great... as would have been this morning had someone not interrupted." Elliot laughed, throwing his hands up in mock defeat, before returning to his desk. Munch, with a dry mouth, muttered a 'mazel tov' over from where he was making coffee.

"You headin' out with Alex soon," Fin asked, coming over to give Olivia a quick hug.

"Yep, just as soon as she makes sure everything is all squared away."

"Leave it to the Counselor to not be able to..."

"I hope you are not disparaging me in front of my wife," Alex said with a playful smile, entering the room with Cragen in tow. She came over to Olivia's side and wrapped her arm around her waist possessively.

Fin chuckled and shook his head. "Believe me, not with how protective she gets of you." He turned to give the blonde a hug as well. "Congrats again, Alex. Take care of our baby girl. Don't let her kill herself skiing."

"Hey!" Olivia protested, "I can hold my own."

"You just keep telling yourself that, babe," Alex smirked, not-so-secretly excited to see her neophyte wife out on the slopes of the northern Massachusetts country club they were visiting.

Cragen sighed and smiled, happy to see his detectives enjoying a slight respite from the daily horrors of the job."You just make sure she ends up here in one piece. None of us can handle her when she's on desk duty." Olivia pouted dramatically as the rest of the squad chortled in agreement, and Alex placed a kiss on the head of her disgruntled lover. "Alright," Cragen said, "We'll all let you two go so you don't miss your plane. These guys all have some DD5s to do anyway." He added with a smile, "lest they want to face Alex's wrath upon her return." With a few more well-wishes from their friends, Olivia and Alex left the precinct hand-in-hand and headed for JFK.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**: Another update because it's been too long of a hiatus :) Also, I'm trying to write a bit of a love scene *blushes and buried face in hands* So there's that. Reviews always appreciated!

**Song**: Totally forgot I had been doing this, but each chapter has a song that I thought fit the mood/plot. Most of them will probably stay the same, but we'll see! This one is "Keep Warm" by Ingrid Michaelson.

**Chapter 2: Keep Warm**

The brisk February wind rushed against Olivia's face as she stood on top of the peak. It was cold, and she could feel the icy tips of her brown hair swinging wildly with every quick gust. She quickly checked her hat to make sure it was secure, not wanting it to become lost in the billowing abundance of snow. Lifting her hands to her mouth, she blew against them, willing the circulation she was sure must have halted to resume.

"You know, the longer you stay up there, the greater the chance you're going to freeze."

Alex had positioned herself at the foot of the bunny slope and was impatiently awaiting her wife's first attempt at skiing. Olivia had to admit that she'd rather be down there as well, next to the blonde whose warm embrace seemed more desirable than ever at the given moment. It would also mean she'd made it down the hill in one piece...

"Really, Liv, it's the bunny slope. There are little kids skiing down it, baby!"

Alex was right. Several minutes before, Olivia had almost been a point of collision for one – a five year old who had agilely avoided the "old lady blocking the middle of the slope." She sighed. This was ridiculous; she was a decorated office of the NYPD, a detective who had held her own in countless life or death situations, who had been a part of many swift police chases, both on foot an in a moving vehicle. She certainly could handle a bit of snow. She inhaled resolutely, positioning the two ski poles at her sides. "Okay," she mumbled Alex's instructions from their lesson to herself, "Create a wedge... bend your knees..." Cautiously, she propelled herself forward and began sliding down the slope. "Hey Alex, baby," she yelled excitedly, "I think I've got it down!"

She made it about ten feet before losing her balance and, in an attempt to save herself from falling, swerving into the fluffy whiteness of a nearby snowbank. Alex popped her boots out of her skis and anxiously rushed up the hill. "Liv! Olivia, are you alright sweetie?" The detective slowly extracted herself from the snowy heap, careful not to slip as her skis were still attached to her feet. Seeing that Olivia was alright, Alex couldn't help but start laughing at the sight. Her hat was askew, her face red and clammy, and she had to be covered head to toe in snow.

Olivia frowned, starting to brush the snow off of her suit. "Stop," she whined, "It isn't funny."

Alex shook her head, trying without much avail to quell her laughter. "No, no, of course not babe." She moved to help, gently whisking her fingers through the brunette's hair. She kissed her defeated lover's cheek. "That was a good first try."

"And last. I think I've had my fill of skiing."

"Come on honey. You can do it!"

"Nah, I think I'll just watch you," Olivia responded, pulling her boots out of the skis and shivering as some snow melted into her socks. "It's a whole lot prettier."

Alex grinned, planting another kiss on Olivia's lips before heading off towards the black diamond slope. Olivia watched her ski away, unable to keep herself from noticing how well her ski pants hugged her ass. Maybe skiing wasn't all bad. Smiling to herself, she trudged over to a nearby seating area at the end of the slope, dragging her skis behind her. She plopped down on a wooden bench, removing her gloves to shake out some of excess snow while she waited for Alex to get to the top of the lift.

Olivia loved watching Alex ski. She looked so masterful... graceful. It came to her with a great deal of ease, most likely due to a combination of a natural agile litheness and many winters spent at Aspen country clubs. Alex glided swiftly down the slope, skirting past several obstacles without concern. Olivia fixed her eyes on Alex's hips, watching as they moved rhythmically back and forth, admiring her swiftness and finesse. Despite her best efforts, Olivia couldn't help letting her mind drift to a much less PG-rated context as she remembered some of the other ways in which she appreciated Alex's limberness, and she hoped that the slews of children, and more so their parents, would not notice her ogling the blonde. Luckily, Alex was reaching the end of the slope now, pointing her skis inward to reach a gentle stop that unintentionally shamed her partner's earlier crashing halt. She looked around for Olivia and, finding her gaze, smiled widely.

Olivia grinned and yelled over, "Perfect 10 babe!"

*~*~*Page break~*~*~*

Back in the ski lodge, Alex handed Olivia a hot chocolate curling up next to her on the couch in front of the fireplace. "Thank you, sweetheart," she said, taking a sip. "Now this I can handle." she said with a smirk, inhaling the warmth of the beverage.

Alex laughed before taking a sip of her own drink. "Oh I'm sure it is. Gosh I wish I had gotten a couple of pictures of you up there for the guys," she said, earning a playful swat. With a mischievous glint in her eyes, she continued, "Well, there's always tomorrow."

Olivia chuckled, shaking her head. "Oh I don't know about that."

"Hmm... I think I can think of a few ways of persuading you," Alex said with a smirk, resting her head on Olivia's shoulder.

"There _may_ be a couple of ways," the brunette bantered before falling into a peaceful silence with Alex, who began to trace nonsensical patterns on top of her jean-clad thigh. After a few minutes, she spoke again, "You know what, it was a fun time."

"Yeah?"

Olivia nodded. "Absolutely! It's gorgeous out here, and, as much as my performance was less than impressive, it was... entertaining to try. And you of course are always beautiful to watch."

Alex smiled, moving to nuzzle again Olivia, enjoying the warmth of her embrace after a long day spent on the slopes. "I'm glad you had a good time," she yawned. Olivia kissed the top of her head.

"Tired, love?" She felt the blonde nod against her chest.

"And sore. Gosh, I'm so out of shape."

Olivia laughed. "I don't know about that, but I can certainly give you a massage if you'd like."

"That." Alex began, punctuating the word with a kiss," sounds absolutely marvellous." She rested her forehead against Olivia's.

"Let's head upstairs then. I'll draw you a bath, and then we'll loosen up those muscles," she whispered throatily. Feeling a familiar sensation in her core, Alex stood up and pulled Olivia to her feet, grabbing her hand to lead her back to their suite.

The room was beautiful with an air of modernized rusticity. The walls were still composed of wooden logs, but large glass windows filled the room with natural light. The sleeping area had a large king size bed - positively noted by the couple - that was covered in a simple sepia duvet and a couple of navajo-style blankets. In front of it was a fireplace that, although wood-burning in appearance, was actually electric. The room smelt of pine and vanilla, making it homey and inviting, exactly what Alex and Olivia needed to get away from the hustle of the City.

Another added perk was an adjoined master bathroom complete with a large jacuzzi-style tub, which the pair was very excited to try out. When they got up to their room, Olivia told Alex to stay on the bed until she set things up, earning her an eye roll and accusation of over-romanticism that Olivia knew was really just a guise for her wife's impatience. Yet about ten few later, when a warm bath was drawn, vanilla candles lit, and lavender massage oil pulled out of the "honeymoon package" provided by the resort, all bickering was forgotten as Olivia guided her into the bathroom. She gently pulled the white, cotton robe off of Alex's shoulders, moving to help her into the jacuzzi tub, where the blonde sighed contently as she relaxed into the steamy water. Slipping off of her own clothing, she stepped in behind, wrapping her smooth legs around Alex. Alex smiled and fell back into Olivia's embrace, attempting to stifle a moan as Olivia combed her fingers against her scalp and through her hair, pulling the blond tresses into a loose ponytail. "Just relax baby," the detective said, placing a line of kisses down her jaw before nuzzling the side of Alex's neck. Wanting to be a bit of a tease, she slightly sucked on the blonde's pulse point, earning a quick gasp that made her smile. "Shh... just take some deep breaths and let me take care of you." Squeezing some massage oil onto her palms, Olivia rubbed her hands together to make them warm before kneading her fingers over Alex's tense shoulders.

She felt Alex stiffen briefly before relaxing to her touch with an unapologetic moan. "Oh, Liv baby, that feels so good." Olivia smiled, moving her hands rhythmically up and down the blonde's back, gently pressing her fingers to count each of the vertebrae. She then moved to Alex's sides, rubbing slowly against the firm muscles, toned thanks to Alex's routine morning jogging. She slid her hands over her stomach, slowly moving them slowly down towards Alex's core, feeling her partner squirm with desire under her touch. She then gently guided her hands upwards, wanting to prologue the tortuous ecstasy as bit, and placed her hands them over the blonde's fair breasts. Feeling Alex's nipples harden underneath her palms, she massaged her chest sensuously, placing a line of gentle kisses down her back. Alex released a small cry of pleasure.

"You like that sweetheart?" Alex nodded weakly, whimpering as she melted further into Olivia's touch, begging the brunette to go further. Olivia leaned over the blonde's shoulder, capturing her mouth in a languid kiss before guiding her hips against her own, slipping her hand between Alex's legs.

"That's it yes. Fuck. Yes. Inside please Liv. Yes," Alex pleaded, feeling herself being pulled closer and closer to her climax. With a few more adept movements, Olivia felt the blonde grow rigid against her before falling back with a sigh, slight pants escaping her as the detective gathered her into a warm embrace.

After a few minutes of recovery, Alex turned to face the brunette, a look of pure love filling her cerulean eyes as she leaned up to capture Olivia in a passionate kiss. When air became a necessity, she pulled away for but a quick moment before flashing her lover with a smile. "Your turn."

*~*~*Page break~*~*~*

"Alex, oh God, you have to try this," Olivia exclaimed, mouth still half-full of the chicken marengo she had ordered. Alex giggled, placing her fork on her own plate.

"Give it here, detective." Olivia sliced a bite size piece of chicken and lifted it to meet Alex's awaiting lips. "Oh, wow," Alex praise, savouring the taste, "that's incredible." Olivia smiled, lifting another piece and quirking her eyebrow with a questioning look. Alex parted her lips, capturing the bite that Olivia playfully moved towards her mouth. She caressed one of Olivia's hand, intertwining their fingers. The two had been enjoying the delicious meal in the upscale New England restaurant that Olivia had surprised Alex with reservations to. While she knew that Alex would have been fine with some clam chowder and room service, Olivia had insisted on taking her out to one of Alex's favourite restaurants, one that the detective remembered her then-girlfriend telling her about fondly as a local hub that her family had loved to go to when she was a child. Knowing, in spite of Alex's silence on the topic, that the absence of her parents, specifically her father, from the wedding had been painful for her wife, Olivia hoped that this small gesture would be understood as a way of including them. At present it had been, as the blonde had cheerfully shared a few more stories about her youth, such as the time Alex had gotten severely sunburnt in spite of the overcast day, earning her the nickname Casper, or when her drunken father pushed a less than pleased Donnelly into the bay. In many ways lacking her own, Olivia loved hearing the pleasant stories from Alex's youth and only hoped that their children would have similar ones to share in the future.

Their children.

It was such a strange yet exhilarating thought. Yes, Olivia had always wanted to be mother even since she began to make peace with some of the demons associated with her own conception. Yet it had always been in a very abstract sense. Now, being with Alex, being Alex's _wife_ made that different. She remembered the time the couple had had "the talk" about it.

_Last year on a brisk November evening, Olivia and Alex were cuddling on the couch, drinking tea and enjoying some inane Lifetime movie. Suddenly, a very loud toy commercial blared, proclamations of Christmas specials singing across the screen. Alex groaned, "Ugh, can you believe there are Christmas commercials already? It's not even Thanksgiving yet!"_

_Olivia smiled and shrugged. "I don't know. I guess people just like getting in the holiday cheer early..."_

_"Holiday cheer," Alex scoffed, "More like people like becoming mindless drones to capitalistic rip-offs. I mean, look at those toys. Just a bunch of plastic that will probably break or wind up thrown in the back of a closet."_

_"Yeah but parents are excited to see their kids reactions. I mean you and I will be experiencing that soon enough..." Olivia froze, realizing what she had just said and hoping it would go over Alex's head in the heat of the moment._

_Of course, nothing ever just went over Alex's head. The blonde sat up and turned so she could look at Olivia, who had suddenly become extremely interested in a small fray on the blanket's hemline. "What did you just say?" the attorney asked, her face unreadable._

_"Uhh, it was... nothing," Olivia sputtered nervously, "you know... just... like it you and I were to... like you and I separately... well not separately... but like if one of us were to have kids... well."_

_Alex smiled. "You're stuttering."_

_Olivia sighed. "Yeah, I'm just digging my grave aren't I," she said, peaking up slightly to take a nervous look at the blonde's eyes._

_"Have you really thought about having kids with me?" Alex asked gently, taking one of Olivia's hands in her own._

_Olivia used her free hand to comb through her bangs. "Yeah... I have." She began speaking quickly, "I mean, I don't want to pressure you. It's just a thought. We don't have to if you don't want. It's just..."_

_Alex interrupted her with kiss. "Now you're rambling." Olivia shrugged sheepishly, and Alex gently held her chin up, forcing her to make eye contact. "I'd love to have children with you, Olivia. I can't think of anything that would make me happier._

"Liv? Olivia?" Alex's voice brought the detective back out of her thoughts. "Everything okay?"

"Perfect," Olivia said with a reassuring smile, "I was just thinking about you."

"Oh?" Alex asked, quirking an eyebrow amusedly. She reached over the table to grab both of Olivia's hands, rubbing her thumbs over them gently.

A guffaw interrupted the otherwise intimate moment. The couple turned to see another woman across the aisle clearing her throat. "Excuse me, ladies. This is a _public_ establishment," she sneered. Gesturing to her table, at which sat presumedly her husband and a son and daughter, she continued "There are children here. We all would appreciate if you kept your... personal endeavours to yourself."

Alex and Olivia looked at one another completely flabbergasted. "Umm, ex-excuse me?" Olivia adjured, furrowing her brow in confusion.

The women rolled her eyes, pulling a chubby and overdressed toddler closer to her hip. "Clearly you are not from around her, but we pride ourselves on being a neighbourhood with family values. I will not have you exposing these innocent and impressionable children to yours and your girlfriend's _lifestyle_."

Olivia blushed profusely, turning her gaze toward the table. Though she was by no means embarrassed about her relationship with Alex, she was thrown off guard by unexpectedly having this private moment between she and her wife interrupted. The husband at the other table, while not outwardly disagreeing with his wife, seemed equally uncomfortable, his head bowed and gaze directed at the table. Glancing at her wife, Alex frowned, infuriated by how upset this had made Olivia.

"Well excuse me, ma'am, but it appears that you have managed to be so blinded by your bigotry that you've failed to notice that it is now the twenty-first century. This," she began, grabbing Olivia's left hand, "is my beautiful _wife_. And we are here celebrating our honeymoon." Alex paused to send an icy glare, the same look that made even the most hardened of criminals shake in their books, towards the woman, taking pleasure in the nervous look that crossed the broad's face. "So, how about you take your homophobic remarks, which cross the line of imbecilic, and head on home to your _model_ family and leave mine the hell alone."

The women, eyes wide and mouth gawking, stood up abruptly and then sat back down, clearly unsure of what to do. Casting one last sidelong glare at the couple, she attempted to go back to her meal. Despite the invisible wall now looming in the aisle, the entire atmosphere had changed for both Olivia and Alex. The detective sighed, balancing her elbows on the table and massaging her temples, replaying the situation over in her head. In spite of her verbal victory, Alex was still angry and tense, and also clearly lost in her own thoughts. The couple attempted to enjoy a dessert that neither of them really touched, and it wasn't long until Olivia called over the server to ask for a check.

As they stood up to leave, Alex grabbed Olivia's hand and intertwined their fingers. Contrary to what the bigoted women, who released a heavy sigh, must have thought, this was less of a political gesture than an act of pure emotional need. Olivia squeezed Alex's hand before allowing herself to be guided out of the establishment. Just as they reached the car, so quietly that Olivia almost didn't hear it, Alex muttered, "The woman reminded me of my mother." The blonde didn't say another word the whole ride home.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Thank you very much for the reviews so far! I'm enjoying revisiting this story and hope to get through the revising soon. While some of the plot will change from the original, I can't wait to pick up where I left off before with brand new story lines.

**Song:** The song for this chapter is "And Darling" by Tegan and Sara

**Chapter 3: One of the Strongest Pairs**

Olivia grunted, lifting the last of Alex's fleet of Louis Vitton luggage (luggage that probably cost three months worth of her salary) into the apartment before dropping them near the doorway with a relieved sigh. Alex lifted her eyes from her novel. She was lying on the sofa with a glass of red wine, clearly more content than her counterpart, whose brow was now slick with a thin layer of sweat.

"Babe, I told you that I'd help you carry things."

"And I would would have taken you up on that offer had I realized how much you had packed. Jeez Alex, is there anything left in your closet?" She plopped down on the other side of the couch, propping her feet up on the coffee table.

Alex raised an eyebrow. "If I do recall, you enjoyed several of those things," she replied, pulling Olivia's legs onto her lap to massage the soles of her feet. Olivia smirked in agreement, relaxing into Alex's touch.

"It's good to be home," she said with a smile. The two lounged for a moment, Alex returning to her book while absentmindedly stroking her fingers up and down Olivia's leg while she started to doze off. Suddenly, Olivia's eyes shot open, and she got up abruptly. "Shit! Alex, get up!"

"What?" Alex asked with a bit of concern.

"I forgot to carry you through the threshold!"

Alex groaned, sinking deeper into the soft leather cushions. "Ugh, really Liv? Weren't you supposed to do that the first time we were home anyway?"

"Yes, and I forgot then too. Come on, please..." She drew out the last word with a bit of a pout, opening her chocolate brown eyes wider. In spite of Alex's aversion to what she found to be a silly, patriarchal tradition, she also found that look irresistible. Sighing dramatically, with a playful smile teasing the corners of her lips, she dropped her novel onto the coffee table and followed Olivia out of the apartment. "Ready?" Olivia asked, grin wide. Alex couldn't help but be amused by her partner's enthusiasm. She wrapped her arms lazily around Olivia's neck, pecking her with a chaste kiss.

"Yes ma'am," she mumbled into Olivia's lips. Olivia smiled. Swiftly, she slipped an arm behind Alex's legs, gently swooping her into a bridal-style embrace. Pulling Alex close against her, she carried her into their home, careful not to slam the blonde's head into the doorframe. Surpassing the living room, she proceeded down the hallway to the master suite, gently laying Alex down onto the bed. "I could have walked you know," Alex said, giggling as Olivia lined her collarbone with an assortment of nips and kisses.

Olivia smirked, turning her focus away from Alex's body for a brief moment. "It's okay. You're a hell of a lot lighter than your suitcases." She pressed her lips against the blonde's once more before laying down, resting her head on Alex's chest.

Alex ran her finger's absentmindedly through the brunette's hair. "I can't believe we have to go to work again tomorrow," she sighed.

"It went fast," Olivia said before lifting Alex's free hand to her lips, kissing her knuckles, "Too fast."

"I don't even want to think about the amount of work there's going to be. Isabelle is great, but she's new and still has no idea how to properly file a motion, and don't get me started on Jones..."

Olivia moved to straddle the attorney, interrupting her with a kiss. "Shh... sweetheart, you don't have to think about it all right now," she said soothingly, "it's still our honeymoon technically." She grinned mischievously. "And I think I can come up with a few ways of distracting you," she teased as she slowly began to rock herself against Alex, earning a gasp. Alex smiled and captured the detective's lips in a hungry kiss. Yes, work could wait for tomorrow.

~*~*Page Break~*~*

"28-year-old Jane Doe, blitz attacked in downtown Chelsea. She's down at Mercy and just regained consciousness. Benson, Stabler, get her account. Munch and Fin, head down to the lab for crime scene analysis," Cragen delineated. Olivia breathed heavily, running her fingers through her hair, preparing herself for a rude reintegration with the city. Grabbing her leather jacket and badge, she headed off with Elliot to the hospital.

The two were intercepted by the attending. "Detectives, says her name's Samantha Ringwald. Doesn't seem to remember much - still groggy from the pain meds. She's out of the woods though. We'll be transferring her from intensive care tomorrow." The detectives shot him a quick thank you before entering the victim's room.

Samantha Ringwald was a mess. Her brown hair was matted. One of her eyes was blood red, surrounded by a dark bruised shadow. Her nose was discoloured and disfigured, clearly broken by a strong impact. Several gashes criss-crossed down the left side of her face. Her left arm was resting on a pillow, held by a plaster cast. "Hi Ms. Ringwald," Olivia said softly as they entered the room, "I'm Detective Benson and this is Detective Stabler. We're here to ask you some questions about last night if you're feeling up to it."

The woman nodded slowly. "Sam, please." She mumbled, looking towards the wall."

"Okay, Sam, can you take us through what happened last night?" Elliot asked.

"I was heading home from the library around midnight. I'm studying for my dissertation at Columbia. I was waiting for my cab to come but he came up behind me and pulled me into a nearby alley. He put his hand over my mouth so I couldn't scream. I tried to bite him but he was wearing gloves. He... slammed my face into the side of a building... then my head." Her voice began to waver. "I...I must have lost consciousness then, but the nurse, she told me that he... that he..." She broke down into tears. Olivia cautiously placed a comforting hand on top of Sam's.

"Did you see him at all before you lost consciousness?"

"No, he was behind me."

Elliot added, "Did you notice anyone paying particular attention to you recently. Maybe at the library or at school..."

"No!" Sam snapped. She looked back towards Olivia with begging eyes. "Please, can we stop now."

Olivia nodded solemnly. They weren't going to get any farther at that point. "Yes, you've been very helpful Sam. I'm going to leave you my card. If you remember anything else, give me a call." Sam's eyes were blank and glassy with tears. She looked ghoulish against the white hospital sheets and without a word grasped Olivia's card in her hand before turning her back to the detectives.

~*~*Page Break~*~*

"Fifteen years followed by probation, contingent upon your client's cooperation in his partner's trial."

"That's ludicrous. Knock off ten years and exchange probation for counselling. My client's a troubled man... absent father, alcoholic mother, abusive stepfather..."

"Your client kidnapped an eighteen-year-old so she could be raped and brutalized by Victor Mulligan. That's co-conspiracy in kidnapping, assault, and rape. Your client is lucky he's no longer looking at a life sentence."

"I'll take the deal."

"Chuck, we can do better than this. She doesn't have what she needs for this conviction..."

"Like hell she doesn't!" the defendant responded, slamming his fists against the metal table. "I did it! They've got me on camera grabbing that blond girl for Vick." He grabbed his head in his hands. "Fucking twenty grand wasn't worth it. I got a kid on the way. I want to see her grow up." He looked Alex dead in the eye. "I'll take the deal."

"A remorseful felon," Alex replied sardonically, standing up and smoothing her suit. She turned her attention back to the defense attorney. "You have him in court on time tomorrow or his daughter will be celebrating her high school graduation with him in Sing Sing." Upon leaving the interview room, she was intercepted by her boss, Liz Donnelly. "What's the status of the Mulligan case?"

"Alberts took the deal. He testifies tomorrow against Mulligan." Donnelly nodded before looking at Alex quizzically. Slightly confused by the older woman's examination, she continued, "The case is practically closed. All the evidence we have is secure and with the victim and Albert's testimony, the jury will convict."

Donnelly nodded again, a satisfied look on her face. "Very good." She grabbed a compact mirror out from her bag. "One more thing, Alex. I would consider wearing a turtleneck tomorrow." Alex frowned, her brow lined with confusion. Puzzled, she took the small mirror and examined her neck. She gasped softly. Brazenly poised on her collarbone, in direct view of her boss – and God knows who else – was a perfectly formed hickey. Alex could feel the blush rising to her cheeks, her hand shooting to hide the reddish-purple mark that must have formed after hers and Olivia's... encounter that morning. She wanted to curl into a ball and die. Donnelly smirked at the attorney's clear discomfort, knowing how straight-laced Alex could be. "Just be glad it was me who noticed and not opposing counsel." She turned to leave. "And for God's sake Alex, tell Detective Benson to keep things below the neckline, at least on court days."

Alex's alabaster skin turned about ten shades redder. No, she wasn't living this one down anytime soon.

~*~*Page Break~*~*

When Alex got home – after staying late in her office to work on paperwork so none of her other colleagues noticed the tell-all mark on her collarbone – she found Olivia sitting with an untouched cup of coffee, staring into space.

"You," Alex said accusingly, "Look at this!" She pulled the collar of her blouse down slightly to reveal the bruise which had been unsuccessfully masked by some foundation.

Forcing a small smile, Olivia feigned innocence. "Oh, baby. Let me kiss it and make it better." She leaned towards Alex, who gently held up a hand to block her lips."

"No way! Those things are dangerous." She blushed again. Mortified, she continued, "Liz noticed."

Olivia sniggered. "I would have paid to see that one," she said before turning back to her coffee, clearly lost in thought. Alex watched for a moment as the detective stirred the lukewarm liquid absentmindedly, lines creasing her forehead.

"Liv, are you okay?" she asked, taking a seat next to Olivia and placing a gentle hand on her back.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Liv, you promised." And that was true. Early on in their relationship, Alex and Olivia had agreed that while they certainly wanted to separate work from home – had to with their careers – they couldn't close off from one another emotionally. Or at the very least had to try not to. Olivia sighed heavily.

"It's just hard coming back to it all, you know?"

Alex nodded. That was all she needed to say. She pressed a soft kiss to Olivia's forehead before getting up and pouring her wife a fresh cup of coffee.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: The song for this chapter is "Somedays" by Regina Specktor. Some scenes and dialogue will also be taken (and altered) from the season 9 episode, "Inconceivable," which of course does not belong to me. Also, I'm making Elliot's kids a couple of year's younger than they probably were at this point in the series.

Chapter 4: Reflection

"You guys still coming over for Easter?" Elliot and Olivia were sitting outside of the courtroom, waiting for the verdict on their most recent case. She nodded. It had become a tradition. Ever since Olivia's mother had died and she didn't have a family to celebrate the holidays with (not like it had ever been much of a celebration before anyway), Elliot had invited her to share some of the major ones with himself, Kathy, and the kids – Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, and Easter. When Alex came into the picture, the couple was more than content to act as each other's company for most of the holidays, but Easter remained one time in which the Stabler-Benson-Cabot clan still came together. she wasn't quite sure why. Before Elliot, she had never even celebrated Easter, not being religious herself, and despite having grown up Christian, Alex wasn't all too spiritual either. Olivia supposed that for her, Easter had become more of a tradition – a family time – where she'd and dye eggs and do other crafts, enjoy a chaotic dinner, and join the kids on their annual egg hunt. To everyone's surprise, it had become a holiday that she was most excited for.

"Good." Elliot's phone chirped and he looked down at the message. "It's Cragen. He said he wants us back down at the precinct ASAP. There's a case." Back at the 1-6, The detectives were met by the captain and the chief of detectives.

"Olivia," the latter greeted. "Elliot, I understand you're a proud new papa. Oh, this is the little tyke?" Olivia watched the chief examine the picture of Eli with a small smile. While she was very much happy for Elliot and Kathy, and was took pride in her role of surrogate-aunt, she couldn't help but feel a bit jealous towards her partner, who was basking in the arrival of yet another perfect child. "Hmm, well that is fine work detective," the chief continued.

Luckily, Cragen got right down to business. "The chief has assigned us a case. He wants it top priority."

"Absolutely. What is it?" Olivia asked. The squad was briefed on the case: the theft of a cryotank full of embryos – as the chief described, "potential children who have been kidnapped." The next couple hours were filled with paperwork, background research that would hopefully give them some insight as to a motive and potential perps. Olivia perched herself on the corner of a desk, leafing through the notes from the 2-6 officers who had been handling the case before it was reassigned. "Hormonal wannabe mama re-interview. Nice." She shook her head with a sigh. "Look, I like Marty, but it's probably best we're handling this."

"And here's the reason we are," Elliot demurred, grabbing a cup of coffee. He walked over to Olivia and showed her a file. "Police commissioner and his wife." He continued on, stating that there were several other cases that they should have been handling before this.

Frustrated, Olivia countered, "Well, it's not like somebody stole their hubcaps, Elliot. Do you know what they went through to get those embryos?"

"You know I don't. I had kids the old-fashioned way," he responded almost boastfully.

Olivia couldn't believe how insensitive he was being. It certainly struck a nerve. It was pretty clear that Olivia wouldn't be getting Alex pregnant anytime soon without some sort of outside assistance. She envied the fact that Elliot could spawn as many natural, beautiful children as he wanted with his wife while she and Alex had no guarantees. Too many different factors. Elliot's words stung.

"Nice," she sneered sarcastically. "Well, some people aren't as blessed as you are." With that she dismounted the desk, grabbing her badge and gun before heading out to the squad cars, leaving a contrite Elliot and uncomfortable Fin and Lake behind. This was going to be a long day.

~*~*Page Break~*~*

The tension between the detectives had only intensified as they headed back to the car after interviewing the Harveys, a couple who had extracted eggs from their seven-year-old disabled daughter after starting her on fertility treatments. Olivia was dialing her cell phone furiously. "Who are you calling?"

"Children's services," she scoffed.

Elliot sighed, jamming his hands into his coat pockets. "Don't."

"You can't possibly be okay with what they're doing to her."

"Look, it's a nightmare. But it's a bad situation no matter what they do. They think they're doing what's best for their kid."

Olivia looked at him appalled, stopping dead in her tracks. "They're trapping her in a child's body forever."

Elliot shook his head. "Parents have to make hard choices. Now, this last pregnancy, Kathy was over forty. It – it makes for much higher risk... things like Down Syndrome..."

"And you know what," Olivia interrupted, "Eli turned out perfect, so spare me the perils of women over forty having babies.

Elliot could almost feel the ice radiating off of his partner as she whipped back to the car. He knew he needed to do something. While the partners frequently disagreed over certain issues, their feuds usually blew over. This, however, was not that case this time; Elliot knew he had struck a nerve – and stuck his foot in his mouth several times already.

He sat down in the driver's seat with a sigh, waiting to turn on the ignition. "You know you'd make a great mom..." he started. No luck.

"Oh my God, I am not having this conversation."

Elliot knew he was walking into the lion's den now, but this was his best friend. He at least owed her an attempt at rectifying his earlier blunders. "You're great with kids," he said.

"Yeah, I know." She licked her lips angrily, looking out the window. He started the engine.

"I mean... have you and Alex... thought about it – starting a family. Anyway you want to do it, I'll support you." Olivia turned to look at her partner, only to be met with a look of pure honesty and concern. She realized he was extending an olive branch.

She sighed, sinking into the seat. "Just drive," she said, getting lost in her thoughts. Elliot had just about accepted his partner's return to the silent treatment when she spoke up. "I have... you know, thought about it... been thinking about it."

"Yeah?" Elliot asked with a small smile, "Liv, that's great."

"I don't know, El. I mean, Alex and I talked about it once. A while ago. She knows I've always wanted kids, but in a very, I don't know, abstract sense. And now she seems kind of distant about it. I don't know if it's work or what... I wouldn't want her to feel forced into anything..."

"Just talk about it with her, Liv. I mean, this is Alex we're referring to. She loves you to death. But on the same token, I think she's the last person in the world who would feel guilted into anything she didn't actually want to do."

For the first time that day, Olivia smiled. "Yeah, I guess you're right... th...thanks El."

He returned the grin, patting her shoulder. "Don't mention it, partner." For a couple minutes they drove along wordlessly before Elliot broke the silence. "Hey Liv."

"Yeah?"

"I'm sure Mo and Kathleen would love to babysit."

~*~*Page Break~*~*

Gone. Everything was just gone for him. Olivia frowned as she gazed through the double-sided mirror at Scott Ryland, who in his grief had shot the man responsible for stealing and consequently killing his wife's frozen eggs. Now the eggs were gone. And she was gone. There was nothing left for them.

She heard Cragen approaching. "Cut and dry case. He confessed. Defense will probably argue extreme emotional distress, but that'll be the DA's problem. Head home, Liv. It's late."

Olivia sighed and grabbed her coat, heading out of the precinct. When she arrived home the apartment was dark. Made sense; it was around 3 a.m. She slipped off her shoes by the door to avoid waking Alex by stomping around and headed down the hall to their bedroom. Quickly changing out of her clothes and into an old t-shirt, she quietly headed towards the bed. What she saw made her smile. Alex had fallen asleep with her glasses on, book in hand. Clearly she had been trying to stay awake for the brunette. She was also wearing Olivia's worn NYPD tee. The detective had found out early on when they were dating that wearing the shirt comforted the blonde when she was away. _Smells like you_. Olivia carefully removed the book from Alex's hands and took her glasses off, placing them both on the bedside table. Sensing the blonde was already deeply asleep, she leaned over and placed a soft kiss on her forehead before moving to slide underneath the covers.

And then Olivia tried to sleep. Tried.

~*~*Page Break~*~*

She must have dozed off at some point in the early morning because Olivia was awoken by the smell of coffee and the sounds of rustling around the kitchen. A couple of minutes later, Alex appeared in the doorway, two mugs in hand. Olivia smiled appreciatively, also taking a moment to eye the smooth expanse of Alex's legs that remained uncovered by the detective's short tee. Alex placed both mugs on the bedside table and climbed back into bed, cuddling up against the detective. "Good morning," she said with a kiss.

"Mmm, 'morning."

"You got in late last night."

"Yeah."

"I missed you."

Olivia smiled softly before moving to hover over the blonde. She dragged her lips along Alex's collarbone before meeting her mouth with several languid kisses. After a few minutes, she nuzzled against the attorney's neck and whispered, "Let's have a baby."

Alex stiffened abruptly, unsure of if she had heard the detective correctly. "What?"

Olivia pulled her head up and looked into Alex's deep blue eyes. "Let's have a baby."

Alex's face was unreadable, but her eyes were stormy with emotion. She pulled herself away from Olivia's embrace to sit up. "Where is this coming from," she asked sharply.

Olivia's face wrinkled in confusion. "Lex, I thought- I mean. I want to start a family with you." Alex was silent. She was looking at Olivia but her gaze seemed to move past her, focusing on something else. Olivia cleared her throat, sitting up a bit. "This case got me thinking, you know. It's..."

Alex interrupted her. "So this is all some impulse off of a case."

Now Olivia was getting irritated. "What? Alex, you know that is not true. This case just made me... think. Life can be short. I don't want to wait..."

"So what," Alex retorted, pressing her lips into a sharp line, "This is all just some desperate need to..." She paused for the briefest second before continuing, not considering the weight of her next comment, "to ensure a legacy. Continue the genetic line..."

A look of pure pain shot across Olivia's face. She felt the wind leave her chest at those words. Alex, suddenly realizing what she had said in the heat of the moment, stuttered to speak. Olivia held up her hand. "You know. You more than anyone knows this has nothing to fucking do with genetics. You fucking know it, Alex," she spat, glare piercing Alex's gaze. Olivia looked away, quiet for a few moments. Her stiff body softened. Defeated. "Look, it was stupid. I shouldn't have brought it up," she said, standing from the bed.

"Liv-" Alex began quietly, an undeniable sadness characterizing her features.

Olivia had reached their bedroom door. She turned around to face Alex once more and interrupted, "Um, El and Kathy said they wanted us to come around 2. I'm...um going to go get a cake or something to bring them."

And with that she left.

~*~*Page Break~*~*

Later, getting ready was silent. Olivia skilfully avoided Alex, in spite of them sharing a relatively small apartment. The car ride was equally mute. From the moment they arrived at the Stablers, the uncomfortable distance between the couple was palpable, and Elliot knew that something was wrong between his partner and her wife. He and Olivia were at the grill while Alex helped Kathy in the kitchen. "So," he began carefully, "what's going on between you and Alex?"

"Nothing," Olivia said shortly, eyes focused on scraping a bit of charred remnants off of the grill.

Elliot sighed. "Come on Liv. You could cut the tension with a knife. What is it?"

"Don't want to talk about it," Olivia responded, continuing to direct her attention away from the line of questioning.

Elliot pondered his next move. "Is it... bedroom problems?"

Olivia froze. She grabbed a pair of tongs and picked up a well-done hotdog. "El. If you do not want your dick to look like this in about five seconds, shut up."

Elliot nodded and went back to placing some cheese on the burgers.

Thankfully, about five minutes later, Kathy called out to the kids that it was time to eat. Everyone headed over to the table. While Olivia sat next to Alex, not wanting to call anymore attention to what was already the remnants of dispute, she kept a clear bodily distance. Noticing the awkwardness, Kathy attempted to start conversation beyond Dickie's ramblings about the latest video game. "So Maureen has been getting ready to apply to medical schools," she said, smiling over at her eldest. "Isn't that crazy?"

Olivia smiled. "Yeah I remember when you were still playing with a toy doctor set. As one of your first patients, I'd like to take some credit," she said with a chuckle.

"Do you know where you are applying yet?" Alex asked.

"Yep," Maureen replied, "Starting to narrow things down. I like Columbia, Johns Hopkins, Mount Sinai. I take the MCATs soon and then start applying in the fall."

"Much to my wallet's dismay," Elliot added.

"Ugh, definitely a stressful process," included Alex, "I was ridiculously stressed when I applied to law school. It's slightly easier having had the experience of undergraduate applications, but certainly not fun at all. I'd recommend getting a head start on those applications as soon as you can."

"Oh, believe me, she's already started some mock essays, my little over-achiever," Kathy said with a chuckle, leaning over to pinch Maureen's cheek. "If you'll excuse me for a moment," Kathy began, trying to slide behind several family members to head towards the house, "I'm going to use the restroom." Suddenly, a piercing cry transmitted over the baby monitor. "...or not. He's probably hungry," she said.

"I can get him," Olivia offered.

"Ahh, thanks Liv," Kathy replied with a relieved smile, rushing off to the bathroom. "Four pregnancies does a number on your bladder. He has a bottle in the fridge if you want to grab that. I'll feed him when I get back." Alex watched Olivia follow her into the house and head upstairs to Eli's nursery. The brunette returned a couple of minutes later, a still whimpering baby in her arms. She sat back down and and adeptly began to feed Eli his bottle, making sure to check the temperature and that there were no air bubbles. Though the conversation picked back up, Alex's attention was quietly fixed on her wife and the natural ease with which she handled the baby. She watched as Olivia carefully burped him, gently bouncing him up and down, and allowed him to play with her fingers and hair. And what she already knew despite hesitations once more hit her like a ton of bricks.

"Mommy! Daddy! Are we going to the egg hunt now," Dickie and Lizzie asked excitedly, interrupting her thoughts.

"Yep guys!," El responded to his eager twins, "Let's just bring the last of this food in and then we'll grab our baskets and go."

"I'm just going to go to the restroom first," Alex said. Olivia noticed that her eyes were glistening slightly, as she slipped from the table and into the house.

Elliot must have noticed to. "You going to go check on her?"

After a moment of contemplation, Olivia shook her head.

~*~*Page Break~*~*

The 18th annual Cunningham Park Easter Egg Hunt was an event filled with enthusiastic energy. Children running around eagerly to grab neon-coloured plastic eggs, parents chasing them just as quickly in hopes of slowing down the impending sugar rush. There was laughing. There were tears. Most of all, there was just noise. Which was why Alex was somewhat surprised when she managed to find Olivia sitting down on a park bench in a semi-peaceful location, looking out at the duck pond. She walked over and a sat on the opposite side of the small bench.

In an attempt to break the silence, she held up a paper lunch bag. "The twins have supplied be with a year's supply of chocolate. Apparently Kathy sets limits. You should of seen their faces when they had to hand it over though," she said with a forced laugh. Olivia gave a slight smile and nodded, her head never turning towards the blonde. It was quiet for several moments. Alex looked down the dirt pathway that surrounded the water. Yards away she saw a little boy – no older than two or three – and his father, feeding ducks with his mom. "I used to do that every Sunday after church with my dad," Alex said quietly but wistfully. "He was always off from court so that used to be our way of bonding since... well, I must have been that age. Most of the time though, I was with my mom. Well, nannies really..."

Olivia turned to face the blonde, who now herself was gazing out at the water. "I am so sorry, Liv. What I said before. I did not for a second mean it that way. It's just..." She turned to face the detective. "...I'm scared."

"Alex-" Olivia started.

Alex softly held up her hand, stopping her. "I'm terrified. And I shouldn't be because you... you are meant to be a mother, Olivia. Watching you with kids... it's just beautiful. But me. My own upbringing was frigid and cold, and I cannot trust myself to not be the same way with our child." Alex looked down quickly, and Olivia heard her stifle a small sob. She slid down the bench and took the blonde's hand in hers, earning a small look of surprise.

"Alex, if your theory holds. If the way we're raised dictates the way we parent, then that will make me an alcoholic. An abusive alcoholic..."

Alex stiffened, quickly looking up at her wife, scared she would misinterpret what she meant, "Olivia, I don't..."

Olivia stopped her, shaking her head, "No, I know you don't think that. And that's my point. It took me years... most of my life, to come to believe that I am not my mother..." She paused, her own deep brown eyes glistening as she looked at Alex. "... my father. I used to look in the mirror and just see pain and anger and I knew that I could never subject a child to that... And then I met you." At this, Alex began to lose the resolve she was trying so hard to maintain. "Being with you, Lex, it's taught me that I am not what they said I would turn out to be. And that I'm worth more than that too. And it's made me want things I never thought I could have..." She turned so she was fully facing Alex and reached up to brush away a tear that had fallen from her blue eyes. "I love you, Alex, and I trust you more than anyone." Seeing Alex's body start to shake, she pulled the blonde into a tight embrace, a comfort to each another as they cried.

After several minutes, she felt Alex's breath against her ear, sputtering as her sobs settled. "Please..." the blonde whispered, "Let's start a family."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N**: Some dialogue for this chapter was taken from Season 9, Episode 16, "Closet." In this world, "Undercover" did not happen and Olivia clearly has not been dating Kurt Moss.

**Song**: "Summer Begs" by Sarah Jaffe

**Chapter 5: Such Great Heights**

"What about number... 1023?" Alex asked, lifting her eyes from the page to slide the large binder into Olivia's view. "Brown hair, dark brown eyes, Ivy League educated, _and_ he's an attorney."

"Yeah, but what if he's a scumbag defense attorney?"

"Ugh, good point," Alex scoffed, grabbing the book back and flipping the page quickly. She removed her glasses, rubbing the bridge of her nose with frustration. "I need a break." Olivia smiled, putting aside her own binder. She reached across the table to grab one of Alex's hand, stroking the top of it with her thumb. They had been sitting at the Manhattan Cryobank for about two hours now, trying – and failing – to pick the perfect sperm donor. Though the assistant had helped the couple narrow down them slightly, they currently had gone through approximately one hundred profiles without avail. Choosing physical characteristics had been easy. With Olivia's dedication to SVU, they had decided it would be safer for Alex to carry the baby. While the detective was impartial, Alex still hoped that the baby would bear some resemblance to them both, so the couple decided to look for donors who shared some of Olivia's physical features. That being said, other characteristics seemed to be in the way of them finding the right match. The first they considered was a dead match physically, but seemed extremely arrogant in his provided profile. The second front-runner had a history of health problems. The most recent was great, up until the couple read that both sides of his family had a strong history of multiples, something neither of them were quite ready for.

"I'm beginning to give up," Alex sighed, squeezing Olivia's hand.

Olivia gave her a reassuring smile. "We'll find one, sweetheart. Do you want to go out for lunch or something and then come back?" It was nearing two o'clock as it is.

Alex huffed determinedly, gently smacking her palms on the table. "No... no, I want to get this done before we do anything else. We just need to make a decision," she said, starting to flip quickly through the pages.

Olivia stifled a laugh at Alex's eagerness. "It's not as easy as picking a car or apartment." She added with a smirk, "Unless you want to just close your eyes and point to one like you suggested with both of those decisions."

Alex shot her a playful glare. "Oh stop, you." She tapped the binder in front her wife. "Focus."

Olivia chuckled as she turned her attention back to the pages. After several more minutes, though, she looked up, "Hey, Alex! Take a look at this one."

Alex adjusted her glasses, leaning over to look at the book. She suddenly brightened. "Liv, this is like the male version of you!" Donor 1064 was in his early forties, olive skin, brunette with brown eyes. He didn't have any history of health problems and claimed to be rather athletic. He spoke Spanish fluently, and most significantly, he had served as a police officer since his twenties.

Olivia smiled widely. "So... you like him?"

"I think we've found ourselves a donor."

~*~*Page Break~*~*

Later that evening, after a couple of anxious hours, Alex and Olivia were sitting at the table eating dinner – in actuality, both were impatiently shifting their pasta back and forth on their plate. The day had been a stressful one. After informing their consultant about their chosen donor, they were whisked over to a medical assistant, who then began to explain the process of insemination. Slightly uncomfortable, Alex had informed her that she was ovulating that day, at which point the assistant gave the couple several syringes and some tubing. After deciding that both women would be more comfortable performing the insemination at home, the assistant gave them a few more instructions, a frozen semen sample, and a smile before sending the overwhelmed pair on their way.

Alex looked up from where she was spinning some noodles on her fork. "Is it ready yet?"

Olivia stood up, walking over to a bowl of lukewarm water that sat on the counter. She removed the cup and turned it carefully, watching the liquid. "Still seems a bit frozen." She walked back to the table. "Rachel said it should be completely "warm and fluid." She stuck her tongue out in disgust. "Gross stuff."

"Hey," Alex said with a smile, playfully swatting her, "that's your future child you're talking about."

Olivia laughed. "Right now that is some nasty semen. There's a reason I haven't touched that stuff in years."

Alex's eyes widened and she pouted. "You're not the one who has to have it... shot up into you." She shuddered dramatically in disgust. Olivia chuckled, kneeling in front of Alex to rub her hands up and down the blonde's thighs comfortingly.

"You excited?" the detective asked genuinely, trying to read her face.

Alex nodded with a content smile. "Absolutely." She paused. "Nervous though."

"About the..." Olivia waved her hand back towards the sample cup and adjacent syringe. "...you know..."

"Yeah, that and..." Alex took a deep breath. "Pregnancy, giving birth... everything."

Olivia nodded sympathetically, before rising taller on her knees. "You'll. Be. Great," she told Alex, punctuating each word with a kiss. Alex sighed, balancing her forehead against the brunette's. After a few moments, Olivia broke the comfortable silence. "So... you going to eat at all?" Alex giggled, shaking her head. "Yeah, me either," the brunette responded, moving to grab some tupperware.

The two decided to attempt to watch a movie to distract themselves while they waited for the sample to thaw, however neither of them were paying all too much attention. In fact, Alex couldn't even tell you what film Olivia had popped into the DVD player. She nuzzled further into her wife's chest, releasing a deep breath. Olivia looked down with a slight frown. "This isn't working either, is it?"

"No, not quite."

Olivia thought for a moment. "Okay, I've got an idea." Alex flipped herself over so that she was facing her.

"What?"

Olivia smiled, caressing the blonde's cheek gently. "Well, the assistant did say that it would aid the insemination if you were – how'd she put it? – 'excited.'" She grinned mischievously. "I can help with that."

~*~*Page Break~*~*

Alex exhaled nervously, shifting around to try to get comfortable on the bed while she waited for Olivia. Completely restless, she got up and grabbed a couple of pillows; the assistant had mention it would help to have her hips canted. Positioning the fluffy pillows underneath her, she again she tried to relax, taking a few deep breaths and lying back. She closed her eyes for a couple of minutes until she heard Olivia's bare feet padding down the hallway. Propping herself up on her elbows, Alex offered a thin smile to the brunette, who had returned to their bedroom with the IUI kit, focused on carrying the collection cup as though it was made of glass. Olivia carefully placed the objects down on the dresser. "Ready to make a baby?" she said with a smile, turning to look at the blonde. Seeing Alex's expression, her grin fell into a concerned frown. "Baby, you're shaking," she said, hurrying over to Alex's side.

"No, no, I'm okay," Alex said, trying to reassure her.

Olivia ran her fingers through the golden strands of her wife's hair, placing a kiss on her forehead. "Are you sure? We don't have to do this right now if you're not ready."

Alex smiled uneasily, sitting up slightly to kiss Olivia deeply. "No, I'm ready. I'm just nervous but I want this, I swear." She met Olivia's skeptical look with a more confident grin. "Come on woman," she joked, smacking Olivia's ass playfully, "get me pregnant already."

While both women were anxious, they were able to sort out the particulars and manage a successful insemination attempt. Now about an hour later, Alex groaned from her position on the bed, still laying with her legs on a slight incline. "Ugh, how long has it been?"

Olivia chuckled, depositing a vibrator back in its drawer. "Alex, sweetie, it's only been five minutes. The assistant said you're stuck like that for at least a half and hour."

Alex pouted. "Will you at least come lay with me?"

Olivia smiled softly. "Of course baby." She made it over to the bed and laid down beside Alex, resting her head on the attorney's chest. Alex played with her brown hair absentmindedly.

"This is weird."

Olivia shook her head gently, looking up at Alex. "No, this is incredible." Cautiously, as though it was fragile, she placed her hand on Alex's bare stomach. Alex smiled contently, resting her hand on top of Olivia's. After several moments, Olivia spoke again, "So have you given any thought to names?"

"Liv, this sperm isn't even up my fallopian tube yet."

Olivia shook her head with a chuckle. "I know that, nerd. I was just wondering if you had thought about it?"

Alex thought for a moment, unconsciously running her hand along her stomach. "I've always liked Max for a boy."

Olivia smiled widely. "I like that name a lot," she said, holding Alex's hand. "Just Max or..."

"Well Maxwell technically..."

"Ah, there's the old fashioned Cabot flair," Olivia teased.

"Stop it, you," Alex scolded playfully. Olivia leaned up to kiss her cheek before she continued. "Maxwell on paper. And when he's in trouble," she added with a smile. "But Max for short."

"I love it," Olivia said, nuzzling softly against her wife.

Alex raised an eyebrow. "What, no suggestions from you?"

"Well, I like Samuel... or Cooper. But Max just... fits. Plus we can just save the other names for next time," she smirked.

Alex rolled her eyes. "Awfully confident, detective. Talk to me again after nine months."

Olivia laughed. "Well, I did have one serious suggestion..." she started. Alex nodded for her to continue. "What about Alexander as a middle name? For your dad?"

Alex took a quick breath, her eyes glistening slightly as she considered the gesture. While they had had their ups and downs, Alex had been very close with her father and missed him terribly. She would have given anything to have him here for this experience, to meet what would be his first grandchild. "Oh Liv..." she began, caressing the side of the detective's face, "That... that would have meant so much to him."

"Is that a yes?"

Alex nodded, pulling the brunette towards her for a kiss. "Thank you," she whispered softly.

Olivia smiled, resting her forehead again the blonde's. "Maxwell Alexander Cabot-Benson. It has a regal tone to it," she chuckled, earning her a laugh. "What about for a girl though?"

"You first."

"Well, I like Samantha..."

Alex grimaced and shook her head. "Ugh, same name as a horrible woman I interned with back as an undergrad."

Olivia laughed. "Okay, cross that one off of the list. What about Sophia?"

"I definitely like that," Alex said with a smile. "Or in keeping with "S," maybe Sadie?"

"Aww, that's really cute, Lex. Let me grab some paper to write these down by the way," Olivia said, reaching into a drawer of their nightstand to grab a legal pad. The women took turns suggesting different names.

"I think Amelia is very pretty." Olivia said, looking towards the blonde.

"Mia," Alex said with a smile, "I really love that, Liv. Could we also put Harper on the list?"

"_To Kill a Mockingbird_?" Olivia said with a smile.

Alex blushed slightly. "It's my favorite book."

"Well I like the name too. It's added." Olivia sighed looking down at the paper. "Well, that leaves us with Sophia, Sadie, Ella, Lauren, Amelia, and Harper."

"Ugh, why is it that we were able to pick a boy's name so easily," Alex sighed, finally sitting up on the bed to take a look at the pad.

"Boys are just simpler in general," Olivia teased, putting a cap on the pen. "It'll come to us though. We have a while to go. Or we can just pray for a Y-chromosome," she teased, reaching over to pull down the covers. She and Alex climbed underneath before cuddling against one another. They wished each other goodnight, quickly dozing off after a very long day, Olivia's hand wrapped protectively across Alex's waist.

~*~*Page Break~*~*

_One month later_

Olivia took another bite of her dinner. After a long day of searching for Jeremy Hane's mystery lover, they were short on leads. She looked down at her watch. 11:30 o'clock. It was going to be a long night.

"So Jeremy and closet boy are playing Brokeback Mountain. Things get a little rough and Jeremy winds up dead," Elliot theorized.

"Look, either way, closet boy's screwed. He can't be found at his dead gay lover's apartment so he splits." Olivia couldn't imagine. God forbid something every happened to Alex, there was no way she would ever be able to hide that sort of grief. It was unbearable even to think about. She shook the idea from her mind.

"Hey Liv, Elliot," Lake yelled from the lower level of the squadroom, "We ran down Freddie's pals. They all backed up his alibi."

Fin added, "And the security camera puts him entering the shelter around 11:45 PM. He didn't leave after that."

"Okay, so Freddie's clear."

"And so's Sam the assistant. It's confirmed he was working in full view of a dozen other people when Jeremy was killed.

Damn, no leads now. Olivia sighed, "So it looks like our best bet is the mystery man. Now all we have to do is find him."

Elliot thought for a moment. "Would you miss your boyfriend's funeral?"

"Yeah. If I was famous and in the closet. How am I gonna show up crying at a gay man's grave?"

Elliot nodded. "You make sure no one else is there to see you."

Fin called down from below. "I'll go get Munch to organize some sort of visual near Jeremy's grave. Knowing his paranoia, I'm sure he's had plenty of experience with hidden cameras."

Olivia's cell phone buzzed against her hip. Stepping to the side, she flipped it open. "Benson."

She heard her wife's voice. "Hey Liv. You going to be home any time soon?"

Olivia sighed with a frown. "Sorry baby, probably not. We're pretty caught up in the Hanes' case right now. I'm going to be stuck her a while." She could almost hear Alex's disappointment on the other line. "I'll make it up to you."

Alex looked down at the box she was holding in her free hand. It was finally time for her to take a pregnancy test, as indicated by the large star in her planner. But now it looked like she was going to have to wait, not wanting to do so without Olivia present. "It's okay. I understand. Any leads?"

"None of which check out right now. We're working on setting up a camera at the grave sight to see if any nighttime visitors come by." She heard Alex yawn. "Oh, sweetie, you should get some sleep. You sound exhausted."

"Yeah, I'm going to head to bed. Love you."

"Love you too. Night."

By 1:00 AM, Cragen sent everyone home. "Chances are he's not a flight risk. Probably thinks he's under the radar. Get some rest, and we'll check the tapes bright and early tomorrow morning."

Olivia grabbed a cup of coffee and headed back home. Dropping her keys on the counter, she quietly headed towards the bedroom. She was surprised to see that the light was still on. "Alex," she called out questioningly, heading into the room. What she saw made her stomach drop with worry. Alex was laying on the bed, her body curling up against Olivia's pillow. This would have been normal except the blonde was wide awake and, though she tried to hide it, had clearly been crying. Olivia hurried over to her, "Alex, sweetheart, what's wrong?"

Alex sat up quickly, wiping her eyes in an attempt to eliminate any evidence of tears. "I'm fine," she said, attempting to be convincing. Olivia, of course, saw right through that and reached up to cup the side of her face.

"Alex, please."

The attorney started to speak and then shrugged, looking down and shaking her head. "It's stupid. I'm overreacting. I didn't think you would be home for a bit so I let myself get worked up..."

"Alex," Olivia said a bit more sharply, still quite concerned.

"It was negative." Olivia gave her a confused look but then realized what the blonde meant. Alex exhaled heavily and explained. "I really was going to wait until you got home but, I don't know, I was just so excited and I couldn't sleep. So I took the test. I'm sorry..."

"Lex, don't apologize," Olivia comforted, placing her other hand on Alex's knee. "I just wish I could have been here for you, baby. I am so, so sorry."

Alex shook her head, pressing her lips tightly together. Though her face maintained composure, she moved to rest in Olivia's embrace, comforted by her wife's arms around her. "Like I said, I'm over-reacting. I know that it doesn't always work right away. I just got my hopes up."

Olivia placed a kiss on the crown of her head. "I know, sweetie. It's okay to be disappointed. I am too. But we'll try again as soon as we can. We can call the doctor in the morning if you want." She felt Alex nod into her chest.

"We should get some sleep," she said, clearly drained. Olivia nodded, guiding them towards the head of the bed. While the blonde didn't say anymore, she clearly was on edge, never fully relaxing.

"I love you, Alex. It's going to be okay."

**A/N**: So sorry to offend any Samanthas out there! I really like the name in actuality and just picked it at random off of a popular names list haha :)


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** Some of the dialogue comes from Season 10, Episode 6 "Babes." Also month-wise, it's around early October at this time in the story.

**Song:** "Whisper" by A Fine Frenzy

**Chapter 6: Whisper**

Olivia walked briskly down the street. She had been away on at a weekend long conference and unfortunately only had the time to drop her bag off back at the apartment before heading into work. It was a rewarding weekend. She had learned a lot of new information about sexual assault survivor resources and services that would be helpful when working with victims. The conference had also provided her with a short break from the City, just long enough to make her feel rejuvenated and ready to head back to work. Her only displeasure was not having had the chance to see Alex that morning, as the attorney was already at the office. Hopefully she could make it home in time for a late dinner...

This only more greatly encouraged Olivia to pick up speed and get over to the 1-6; the sooner she got back on the job, the better the chance she would have to end at a reasonable hour. Yet the detective's valiant effort to get to work on time was hindered when a store caught her eye: a baby boutique. Stopping in front of the shop, Olivia sighed tiredly. Six months. She and Alex were currently on their fourth insemination attempt. If it didn't work this time, they would have to go see a fertility specialist to make sure there was no bigger issue at hand. Though Alex wouldn't admit it, Olivia knew that she was scared. Olivia looked into the window, taking in the different clothes and toys on display. She smiled when she saw a pair of light brown booties sitting on a stool, marvelling at how tiny they were. The detective bit her bottom lip in consideration before exhaling loudly and entering the store. Finding a pair of the booties, she headed to the register and paid. Quickly exiting the store and continuing towards the precinct, Olivia stuffed the purchase into her bag. She didn't want to give up hope just yet.

~*~*Page Break~*~*

When Olivia got to the precinct, she was happily surprised to see Alex in the lobby waiting for the elevator. "Hey you," she called over. Alex turned, a bright smile appearing on her face. The elevator dinged and she pulled the brunette inside. Hitting the button quickly to close the door, she turned and greeted her wife with a passionate kiss. When they separated for air, Olivia blinked a few times. "Wow, had I known I'd be greeted like that, I'd have gone away more often."

Alex rolled her eyes but kept her grasp on Olivia's waist. "I missed you," she smiled, pecking the detective on the forehead.

"I missed you too, Lex. Not that I'm not pleasantly surprised, but what are you doing over here? Do we have a new case?"

Alex shook her head. "Not that I know of. I just have some follow-up on the Rodriguez case to review with Cragen." The elevator dinged again and the couple reluctantly separated before the doors opened. Stepping outside into the hall, they were met with the fury of a new case. After asking her about the conference, Cragen filled Olivia in, "Elliot and John have an interesting subject in interrogation. You two wanna watch?"

"It's what I live for," Olivia responded as he guided she and Alex down the hall briefing them on the case. Young homeless man, schizophrenic, who had his genitals mutilated before he was set on fire. They had taken a local Catholic school boy into custody, and he had waived his rights. Things seemed to be running smoothly so far, but as the trio reached interrogation, they were interrupted by a frantic young Italian woman.

"Hey! Who's in charge here?" she asked, rushing down the hallway as fast as she could in her pair of high heels.

"Can I help you?" Cragen responded calmly.

"Yeah! You've got my boy. Can I see him?"

"What's his name?"

"What's your name," she responded snarkily. Alex couldn't help but roll her eyes. She already couldn't stand this woman.

"Donald Cragen, Captain of SVU."

"His name is Alec Bernardi," she drooled in a thick New York accent.

Cragen sighed. "Mrs. Bernardi, your son is in custody. You can see him after we're done questioning him."

"You can't do that without me there," she clipped.

"Actually we can," Alex interjected, "Your son is over sixteen so legally there's no obligation for parental presence during interrogation."

"Who's the blond bitch?" the woman snapped, taking a step towards Alex. Olivia's eyes widened fiercely as she stepped in front of the attorney. Before she could say anything, Cragen placed an arm in front of her.

"This is Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot. She may ultimately be trying your son's case, Mrs. Bernardi, so I'd suggest you take it down a notch."

"He's just a kid! He doesn't know what to do. He must be scared to death!" she exclaimed.

Cragen shook his head. "Scared is not exactly the word I'd use," he muttered, "Mrs. Bernardi you can come with me until your son is out of questioning. Detective Benson, Ms. Cabot, please feel free to continue to interrogation.

When the two were out of sight, poor Cragen stuck with the bickering and incensed broad, Olivia shook her head. "Well, that one's a trip."

Alex sighed in agreement. "Seeing as Cragen's otherwise occupied, I'm going to head back to my office. I'm going to have a lot of work if it turns out that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I'll see you later tonight?"

"One can only hope" Olivia sighed, before heading over to the double-sided mirror. This was going to be interesting.

~*~*Page Break~*~*

"Yeah it was my idea. It rocks, huh? We're totally gonna be the hottest MILFs on the block." Olivia's eyebrows flew up and she struggled to keep her jaw from dropping, shocked by this girl's utter flippancy. This girl couldn't be serious... Taking the detective's astonished expression as confusion, Fidelia Vidal explained, "It means mother I'd like to..."

"Oh, I know what it means," Olivia interrupted.

Indignant yet nonchalant, the young girl stood up, her pregnant stomach bulging against a teal green t-shirt. She had to be at least seven or eight months along. "Want to see the stroller I picked out? It's so cute." Olivia sighed, irritated. She had to at least try to get the seriousness of this situation through this teenager's head. She pulled on Fidelia's shoulder gently, stopping her.

"Fidelia, you need to screw your head on straight. This is a baby we're talking about, not a new shade of lipstick..."

"Don't say another word, angel," interrupted the father, who had been watching the interaction from nearby, "Are you charging my daughter with something, detective, because I don't like your tone."

Olivia bit her tongue. She couldn't believe how calm this family was about the situation. Their teenage daughter was pregnant for God's sake. She was just a baby herself, clearly not mature enough to raise one of her own. She couldn't even know what it was really like to _want_ a child.

Olivia wanted to shake some sense into this whole family, however she knew she couldn't push too hard. They needed more information for the case, and she couldn't risk getting kicked out by a hormonal, immature teenager and her equally oblivious parents. "I'm just here to ask a few questions, Mr. Vidal," she said as politely as possible.

"Daddy, let her ask. I'm fine."

"Good," Olivia said, smiling slightly at the father. "Fidelia, why don't we talk about the father of the baby, huh?"

"So what's your story?" the girl snipped, avoiding the question.

"Excuse me?"

"You have kids? You're pretty old," Fidelia asked sassily. Olivia fumed inwardly. She was not going to banter with a sixteen-year-old.

"We're here to talk about you," she said, trying to redirect the subject.

"I bet you're jealous. Old chicks are totally jealous of me. Is that it? Did you wait too long? Tick tock." Something inside of Olivia snapped as she mentally recoiled from the sting of those words. Rationally, Olivia knew that it was ridiculous, that the girl didn't know about hers and Alex's current struggle. But that didn't ameliorate the anger she had in that moment. The fact that each time she met this teenager's smug grin, she couldn't help but see Alex's broken expression upon looking at another negative pregnancy test.

"Fidelia," Olivia breathed, trying to contain her frustration, "A baby is not an accessory. It is not a bracelet or a pair of earrings or a slammin' pair of jeans." She thought about just how much she had longed for a child since her young adulthood. Now she finally had the chance at having the family she always wanted with the woman she loved with every ounce of her being, things weren't working out. Deep down, somewhere in her subconscious, Olivia wondered if this was some sort of sign, that in fact she was never meant to be a mother. Her eyes narrowed on the teenager. "This is a living, breathing human being that you are bringing onto this earth?"

"You think I don't know that," Fidelia pouted, placing her hands on her hips.

Olivia's eye's widened. "If you did, you'd be petrified about your future! Do you know the odds of a teen mom finishing high school? Forget college or any other dream you might have. Life as you know it is over. There's no going to the mall or hanging out with your friends. I mean you might see them but if you do it'll probably be in line waiting for food stamps or all of you going to the doctor, trying to get an appointment at the free clinic..."

"Daddy, make her be quiet," the girl whined, moving behind the protection of her father.

"That's it, detective," Mr. Vidal fumed.

But Olivia was on a tirade at this point. "Do you know the health risks to babies born to teen moms?" She rattled off the different disorders she had been reading about in the pregnancy books that remained hidden in her desk at the precinct in an attempt not to upset Alex, "Dyslexia, retardation, um, increased risk of blindness, cerebral palsy."

"Don't you try to blame my daughter! She's just a child."

"That's my point exactly." The argument was interrupted by Fidelia's boyfriend, storming into the apartment and inquiring as to whether or not the rumors were true, if she was pregnant. After a tear-filled encounter, it was revealed to the shock of the Vidals that he was not the father. Olivia shook her head – another lead lost. She headed back to the precinct, not even bothering to wait for the still-incensed Mr. Vidal to guide her out.

Once she entered the 1-6, she went straight to Cragen's office, where he was hovering over some paperwork. "Cap, just a heads up, the Vidals may be filing a complaint." Without another word, she turned to leave the room as swiftly as she came. Perplexed, Cragen stopped her, "Benson, close the door." Olivia hesitated before gently shutting the wooden door. Taking a deep breath, she turned around to face the captain. Cragen examined his detective's appearance. She looked visibly stressed – her hair out of place, dark circles forming under her eyes, mouth grimaced. With a sigh, he asked, "Liv, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Olivia responded with a shrug, "I just got a bit agitated. It won't happen again." She rocked back on her heels, clearly intent on leaving.

Cragen wasn't having any of it. "Sit," he ordered, pulling his own chair closer to the desk. When the detective reluctantly lowered herself to the chair, he looked at her demandingly. "Olivia, quit bullshitting me and tell me what is going on with you. What's distracting you from this case?"

Olivia's eyes remained fixed on her hands, folded together on her lap. She exhaled heavily. "Alex and I have been trying to get pregnant." Cragen raised his eyebrows at the admission but remained quiet, waiting for the detective to continue. Olivia looked up slightly at the Captain. "We've been trying for six months now but uh... it's just not working for whatever reason." She looked away. "It was irresponsible, but this girl just really... got to me. She's a sixteen year old who got pregnant on a whim yet Alex and I can't... I- I know they're not related. I'm sorry," Olivia finished dejectedly.

"Olivia," Cragen said, gently demanding her attention, "You know as well as I do that you can't always prevent a case from intertwining itself with your life. We deal with human beings, so those experiences are there. And in a lot of cases, it can... and has... made us better detectives. You just need to be conscious of that line, and you need to step back if you feel yourself crossing it. Understand?" Olivia nodded, before standing to leave.

When she reached the door, Cragen called out once more. "Hey Liv." She turned. "You and Alex. Just give it time." The detective nodded and headed back out to the squadroom.

~*~*Page Break~*~*

That Saturday afternoon, the court was anxiously awaiting the judge's dictate on Peggy Bernardi's charges – her son and Max Matarazzo, Fidelia's boyfriend, having been convicted earlier that morning. Olivia could tell from her position a few rows back that Alex didn't have a good feeling about the outcome; as she had described the night before, without being directly responsible for Fidelia's death, the case was balanced very much on jury opinion. There's little precedent for cases regarding cyber bullying.

Judge Moredock banged his gavel. "Ms. Bernardi, in light of the conviction of Max Matarazzo, this court dismisses all charges against you. You are free to go.

As the gavel banged once more, Peggy Bernardi captured her attorney in a joyful hug, followed by her daughter. While Olivia was happy that Tina would have a parent by her side – however unstable that parent may be – she still was irked by the way in which the legal system failed to obtain justice for the distress Bernardi caused in this case. She could tell Alex was equally miffed as she gathered her briefcase, and the detective watched carefully as Bernardi turned to the ADA. "I told you I was innocent."

"There's a big difference between charges being dropped and innocent," Alex snipped. "I'm sure your neighbors will explain it to you when you get home."

"Oh they can go to hell. You too."

"Just try to wash the blood off of your hands before you hold Tina's baby for the first time, okay," she sneered, stress over her own personal situation clouding her judgment.

The next few seconds were a blur. Olivia stiffened as she watched Bernardi take a step towards Alex, but before she could react, the woman had grabbed Alex by the neck. "I'll freakin' kill you!" She slammed Alex against the desk, a large smack radiating through the courtroom from the impact of Alex's head with the wood. "I'm a good mother," she repeated angrily, shaking the blonde.

Olivia and Elliot jumped into action. Elliot ran over and yanked the woman off of his partner's wife, griping her wrists tightly. "That was a _big_ mistake," he snarled, pressing her strongly against a nearby table and cuffing her. The court room was frenzied - Peggy Bernardi yelling, Tina crying, the judge trying to maintain order. But all Olivia could focus on was Alex, who was still slouched over the desk, holding the back of her head. The detective rushed through the mob of officers over to the blonde's side.

"Alex! Alex! Are you okay?" She wrapped her arm around the attorney and carefully guided her back onto her feet. Alex wobbled slightly, and Olivia slowly moved her to sit on the nearby chair.

Registering what happened, Alex responded. "I – I think so." She brought her other hand down from the back of her head, examining the redness on her fingers. "I'm bleeding."

"Let me see," Olivia said nervously, gently turning Alex's head to examine the wound. "It doesn't look too deep, but you hit your head pretty hard. I'm taking you to the hospital." She reached into her pocket to dial an ambulance.

"Liv, please, I'm fine. Even better when you collar that bitch for assault."

"Elliot's got that all taken care of," Olivia said, glancing over at her partner, who was carrying the flailing women out of the courtroom. "But fine, no ambulance. But I am taking you to see a doctor." Alex groaned, but decided that this too was an argument that she would inevitably lose.

When they arrived at the emergency room, Olivia pulled every string possible with her badge and Alex's governmental status to get her seen as quickly as possible. Within the hour, Alex was settled on a hospital bed, feet propped on the pillow and ice pack pressed against the back of her head. "I told you I was fine," Alex frowned, "The nurse says that I don't even need stitches."

"Let's just wait and make sure that the doctor clears you," Olivia responded, taking a seat next to her and holding her hand. Alex couldn't help but smile. Despite her irritated guise, she thought over-protective Olivia was very sweet. "Does your head still hurt?"

"Yeah, but it's a little bit better. More of a throbbing now," Alex grimaced. Noticing the worry etched across her wife's forehead, she continued, moving her hand to cup Olivia's face, "Don't worry though. I'm really okay. I love you, Olivia."

"I love you too, Lex," the brunette responded, just as the doctor entered the room.

"Alright Ms. Cabot, you've certainly given your head quite a smack," he started, removing the ice pack to look at Alex's wound. Nodding, he moved back to his chart. "It definitely does not need stitches though. Just keep it clean and apply this dressing to it twice a day," he said, placing a tube on the table. "Now, in terms of any brain injury, you did sustain a heavy blow to the head. That being said, you do not seem to have any signs of a concussion. Normally we would recommend a CT scan, but with your pregnancy and because you aren't showing any symptoms..."

The couple froze. Olivia wrinkled her brow, confused. "Excuse me, doctor, you said pregnant..."

"Yes," the doctor nodded, "Yes, the pregnancy test we administer on admittance came up positive. I'm sorry, were you both unaware?" he asked, looking at the dumbstruck couple.

Alex blinked away a few tears, grabbing Olivia's hand. "No, we weren't aware," she choked out, "Are you sure?"

The doctor looked at her observantly. "I'm sorry, does the news upset you?"

"Oh no," Alex said, moving to shake her head before realizing it was still sore. She continued, "No, not at all. We've been trying for months."

The doctor smiled at the eagerly waiting couple, taking a quick look down at his chart to double-check. "Well Ms. Cabot, Ms. Benson, you are indeed expecting. Let me be the first to congratulate you."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N**:

Hello all! First of all, a big thanks for all who have reviewed this story so far! Shout outs to TKR.87, Bkwrmchar, IBME, Jaadde, LIVsvuALEX, and anons. I so so appreciate your feedback :)

Additionally, a couple of clarifications. A bit of this is covered in this chapter but just to make sure things are clear, Alex conceived during the fourth and final insemination that she and Olivia tried. Had she not, they would have had to have some testing done to make sure things were okay. So that's why Alex was nervous and Olivia was careful about upsetting her, because there could have been bigger problems. But that's not the case now :)

Also, in terms of timeline, this story started in January and now Chapter 7 takes place in mid-November.

**Song**: "Secret" by Missy Higgins

**Chapter 7**: **Secret**

The sound of brusk wretching awoke Olivia with a start, and she rolled over in bed only to find the spot next to her empty. Slightly confused, she sat up and turned to the clock, whose fluorescent green numbers were flickering 3:13. Not again.

It had been a month since the night in the emergency room, and the couple was overjoyed to be expecting their first child. After being told that she was pregnant, Alex and Olivia visited the GP who confirmed that the blonde was just about a month along, having conceived in their last attempt at insemination. For a short while, Alex felt completely normal, suspending the sense of surrealness for the pair. This all came to a striking halt around week 6, when pregnancy symptoms began to hit Alex at full force. Now at week 8, the attorney was utterly exhausted between general fatigue, mood swings, and, worst of all at this point, intense morning sickness.

So, while Olivia was disheartened that her wife was already awake at this hour for the sixth day in a row, she wasn't surprised. Sighing, she pulled herself up from bed and hurried into the ensuite. There she found Alex bent over the porcelain toilet, weakly coughing up her dinner. Olivia bent down and pulled the blond hair out of her wife's face, using her other hand to rub her back comfortingly as she continued with her struggled heaves.

"Uggh, go away..." she heard Alex moan softly before becoming sick again. Olivia ignored her plea, helping support the younger woman's exhausted body. When she was sure that Alex had finished, she stood up and grabbed a clean washcloth, dampening in the sink before squatting back down.

"You think you can sit down?" she asked gently. She saw the blonde's head nod tiredly. Olivia helped ease her back so she was propped up by the wall. Alex sighed heavily, closing her eyes briefly and pressing herself against the cool tiles in the hopes of alleviating her throbbing headache.

"You really don't have to be here for this," she argued hoarsely, reiterating the same claim she had made for the past week.

"Nonsense," Olivia refuted, patting the sweat off of Alex's brow. There was no way she was going to let Alex deal with this alone. She pressed her lips against her forehead, concerned by how sick Alex seemed this morning. No fever. Just morning sickness. "I'm going to go get you something to drink. Will you be okay for a second?"

Alex nodded tiredly, forcing a small smile. Though she argued that she didn't need help, the attorney was truly touched by how caring and attentive that Olivia already was this early in her pregnancy. Not that she was surprised.

The brunette returned a couple of minutes later with a glass of ginger ale and another cool washcloth, which she placed behind Alex's neck. When Alex felt ready, Olivia watched her brush her teeth and then helped her back to bed, tucking her in and kissing her softly. After she climbed into bed herself, Alex rested her head on the detective's shoulder. "You're too good to me," she said with a smile, starting to drift off.

Olivia turned and pressed a kiss to her forehead, slipping her hand over Alex's flat stomach. "You two are worth it."

~*~*~*Page Break*~*~*~

Olivia yawned again, fighting to keep her eyes open as she attempted to review the file in front of her. Elliot lifted his head up from his own paperwork and examined his partner's exhausted expression. "You alright?"

Olivia sighed. "Tired." She turned to survey the squad room and, finding it empty, continued. "Alex was up five times because of morning sickness this morning." Elliot gave his partner a sympathetic look.

"Yeah, Kathy was miserable for the first couple of months with Maureen. Doc said it was something about adjusting to all the hormone changes. I don't even know how many times she'd wind up throwing up during the night. Eventually I just began to sleep through it," he said before looking back down at his paperwork. Olivia frowned slightly. She would feel awful if she wasn't up to help Alex. Elliot looked up again, remembering something, "Kathy says that peppermints help. She used to have me up tons of them on my way home from work when she was pregnant with the twins."

Olivia smiled appreciatively. "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind." She was glad to have Elliot helping her figure things out; after all, he had had plenty of experience. She and Alex on the other hand were like typical first time parents: unsure of what to do and terrified. While the couple was very excited and anxious to receive advice from their friends, they had decided not to tell anyone about the pregnancy until Alex was farther along, God forbid something happen. Elliot, on the other hand, had seen through Olivia's attempted guise. The detective was skilled at being secretive, but not when it came to her partner. He had wound up prying it out of her in a week's time. She didn't mind though. He was her best friend. Plus, he had been sworn to secrecy so as not to face the wrath of Alex, which was scary enough _without_ the pregnancy hormones.

A few minutes later, the aforementioned blonde entered the squadroom and walked over to the pair, placing her briefcase on Olivia's desk. The brunette couldn't help but stare at her wife. While Olivia thought she must be looking like a train wreck, Alex – despite having been sick and having gotten no more than three hours of solid sleep – was flawless as ever: suit ironed, blond hair combed back impeccably with a headband, and the dark shadows under her eyes masked by liquid foundation. "Any updates on the Wimbledon case?" the attorney asked.

"Clemings is in the looney bin," Elliot griped, "Started hearing voices while we were interrogating him earlier this morning."

Alex scoffed, rolling her eyes. "_Of course_ he did. How else will Langan fashion his affirmative defense. I'll call him for a meeting when I get back to my office. And I want Huang interviewing Clemings as well. While I know there's no validity to this insanity plea, I want that to be clear to the jury as well." Elliot and Olivia nodded. "Okay," she turned to the latter, "And you'll come by my office at three?"

The detective smile. "Yep, I'll be there." Today they had their first appointment at the OBGYN; despite her fatigue, Olivia could hardly contain her excitement.

"Very good." Alex surveyed the room and finding it empty still, leaned over to peck Olivia on the cheek. "See you later," she parted with a grin.

The morning dragged on. As their evidence was rock solid for rape/murder – hindered only by the sudden psychosis of their perp, the majority of the morning was spent on court prep and catching up on old paperwork. Huang had interviewed Clemings, who had entered into a clearly falsified state of dissociation. He wasn't at all concerned about testifying as an expert witness for the prosecution, having observed the defendant getting caught up in his own web of deceit; Olivia knew Alex must be pleased. And the afternoon was only going to get better – in just 1 hour 24 minutes.

~*~*~*Page Break*~*~*~

"I've have a glass of pinot noir," Trevor Langan said, handing the waitress his menu.

"Just water for me please," Alex said, folding her hands in front of her.

Langan smiled. "So, you asked me out to lunch just to order a glass of water, Alex. At least get yourself a drink."

Alex shook her head. "No, Trevor, we have business to attend to," she responded, evading the real reason she hadn't ordered any alcohol.

Langan lifted his hands in mock surrender. "Fine, fine. What's your concern?"

Alex scoffed. "Well, I'd say your clients faking mental disease to avoid being charged with rape and murder is a bit alarming – pathetic actually."

Langan rolled his eyes. "My client is experiencing a dissociative fugue, the same state of mind he was in when he attacked Marissa Wimbledon."

"We both know that's not true, but if you're so inclined, I look forward to proving it to you in court." She reached down and grabbed a file from her bag. "Here's the paperwork. Dr. George Huang interviewed your client earlier today and – big shock – says there's nothing wrong with him. He'll be testifying on behalf of the prosecution." Standing up, she grabbed her briefcase and gave him a satisfied smile. "Good luck."

A half an hour later, she was finalizing her opening argument when she heard a knock on her door. Expecting it to be Olivia, she began packing up her things as she called for the visitor to come in. Liz Donnelly strolled in the door to find Alex pulling on her jacket.

"Going somewhere?"

"Sorry, I thought you were Olivia. I'm heading out for a doctor's appointment."

"And Olivia's leaving work to take you? Is everything okay, Alex?" she said skeptically.

Although Alex was unwavering in court, Elizabeth Donnelly's characteristic glare had the ability to shake even the most staunch attorney. Additionally, the woman had caught her off-guard. Alex cleared her throat of any signs of nervousness. "Umm, yes, I'm fine, Liz. My car's just being serviced."

Donnelly raised a suspicious eyebrow. "Okay then..." She was interrupted by Olivia entering the room.

"Alex... Judge Donnelly," she greeted, walking over towards Alex's desk. "I'm sorry to interrupt..."

"Don't worry Olivia. And it's Liz when were not in court," the older woman corrected. Olivia nodded sheepishly, still growing accustomed to the fact that the honorable Elizabeth Donnelly was Alex's godmother. "I was just checking to make sure everything was squared away for court tomorrow."

"Yes, everything's ready," the younger blonde responded, grabbing her briefcase.

"Okay, I'll let you two get out of here then. Olivia, I hope Alex's car is ready soon so you're not stuck playing her chauffeur. I know how busy the precinct's been."

A look of confusion flashed across Olivia's face, which she quickly masked. "Right, uh, the mechanic said it'll be ready later on today. Uh, see you later Liz." The couple offered a quick wave before scurrying out of Alex's office to avoid further interrogation.

Elizabeth Donnelly smiled to herself, knowing very well she had parked next to Alex's Lexus that morning. She made a mental note to chastise her attorney later for not thinking well on her toes.

~*~*~*Page Break*~*~*~

"Alexandra Cabot-Benson," the nurse called. Alex stood up and grabbed Olivia's hand, following the young woman out of the waiting room. They were seated in a private room, and the nurse took Alex's vitals before leaving them with the promise that Dr. Gil would be in soon. While they waited, Olivia flipped through a _Parents_ magazine. She smiled widely, looking up from the page. "Hey Alex!"

"Yeah babe?"

"Did you know that at eight weeks the baby has tastebuds already?"

Alex chuckled at her wife's enthusiasm. "Really? Well, you would think he or she would want me to be able to keep down some food then."

Olivia smiled and was just about to read more facts when the knob of the door twisted open. Dr. Gil entered the room. She was a young herself; the first time Olivia had seen her, she questioned whether or not she was even old enough to be out of medical school. Yet she had proved to be competent and was highly recommended by Kathy, who had seen her for her pregnancy with Eli.

"Hello Alex," Dr. Gil greeted. "Olivia, I hear you can be replacing me for delivery services," the doctor added with a small smile. "Just how is little Eli doing."

"Good!" Olivia responded, pulling out her phone to show the doctor a recent picture.

"Aww, look how big he's gotten! A definite playmate for your little one. Speaking of which, congratulations ladies! Everything looks great so far. She looked down at her clipboard, "And, I can give you a due date. Based on the date of the insemination, I would say you're due around July 11, give or take, so you'll be nice a pregnant for the summer months," the doctor added with a smirk.

Alex groaned. "Hey, you'll still look gorgeous with a bathing suit," Olivia told the blonde, grabbing her hand.

Dr. Gil smiled at the couple. "Flattery will get you everywhere over the next trimester, Olivia," she said with a laugh, knowing how sensitive many mothers – first time mothers especially – could be. "It's still early on, but have you been experiencing any body changes yet, Alex?"

"Morning sickness. Just nausea at first but the past week has been pretty difficult."

Dr. Gil gave her a sympathetic smile. "Unfortunately that's to be expected. It should fade away around your second trimester. Until then, just try to keep hydrated and stick with mild foods. Also..." she leaned over and grabbed a pamphlet off of the counter, "here's a list of things to avoid for the remainder of your pregnancy. No smoking or drinking. Run any medications you may have to take by me in advance, including over-the-counter drugs. Stay away from caffeine. Then there's a list of foods to avoid: certain meats and cheeses, fish, etc. Avoid dying or highlighting your hair, at least for the first trimester." Alex nodded. She'd have little trouble avoiding all of those things except one; with many late nights spent on court cases, coffee had become her elixir. But she was willing to give that up – anything up for that matter – for the safety of her child.

"Also, with your mother's history of preeclampsia," Dr. Gil continued, flipping the page to Alex's medical history, "I'd like to see you a bit more frequently." She was met with two panicked expressions. "Don't worry," she added with a smile, "It's just a precaution. In terms of things to do, continue with a vitamin regiment, eat well, _try_ not to stress and get enough sleep. I imagine those will be most difficult for you. Oh, and exercise."

Alex nodded, "Olivia's already signed us up for some kind of pregnancy yoga thing."

"Very good! Do you two have any other questions then?" The two turned to one another questioningly, but then shook their heads in unison. "Okay, I'll see you both in one month then. And Olivia, I wish you luck. The next few weeks will take a bit of adjusting to."

~*~*~*Page Break*~*~*~

"Mr. Clemings, can you please tell me where you were the night of May 12?" Alex asked, approaching the witness stand with a determined step.

"I was at Hannah's apartment," the scraggly middle-aged man replied, playing nervously with a pencil.

Alex nodded staunchly. "Hannah Wimbledon. And what were you doing there?"

"We were home from a date."

"No, Mr. Clemings," Alex said, moving to position her hands on the stand intimidatingly, "Hannah was returning home to _her_ apartment after a _failed_ date with you. She didn't want you to stay, did she?"

"That's not true!" Clemings practically shouted, slamming his hands down.

"Is it, Mr. Clemings?" Alex said, taking a few strides away to swoop in front of the jury. "Do you deny the eye witness's statement that Hannah was yelling at you to leave?"

"Well, I..."

"Do you deny that you were holding her by the wrists, pushing her into the apartment as the physical evidence suggests?"

"I don't know..."

"And once you got into that apartment, do you deny the fact that you pulled Ms. Wimbledon into her bedroom, tied her down?

"I don't remember!"

"You don't remember raping her and then beating her to death to cover up what you had done?"

"Objection, Langan yelled, "Argumentative."

"Sustained," Judge Petrovsky deemed. "Watch it Ms. Cabot."

Alex nodded cooly, pacing in front of the defendant. Olivia smiled. Alex had him right where she wanted him. Despite Langan's objection, she had gotten Clemings completely irate, the state at which he seemed to slip up most on his lies. Alex now looked like a lion stalking its prey... Olivia had to admit it was extremely sexy.

"Mr. Clemings," she said calmly, "can you please tell us where you were when you were arrested by Detectives Munch and Tutuola?"

"...the garbage dump."

"Do you recognize this scarf," she said, holding up exhibit B of the evidence.

"Yes... Hannah wore it on our date. She... gave it to me."

"She gave you a blood-covered scarf?"

"I uh... well... it's just..." The defendant stuttered into silence, looking down as the jury examined him incredulously. There was a pause during which Olivia noticed that Alex suddenly looked extremely pale and her eyes had widened considerably.

"Ms. Cabot, are you alright?" Judge Petrovsky asked questioningly.

Alex nodded, steadying herself. "Mr. Clemings, why did you bring this blood-covered scarf to..." She stopped suddenly, breathing deeply.

"Ms. Cabot..."

"Your Honor," Alex hesitated, "The people request a brief recess."

"Objection," shouted Langan snidely, "Your Honor, my client is in the middle of questioning. We cannot allow a recess just so Ms. Cabot can formulate a new line of inquiry."

Judge Petrovsky, however, recognized that something was awry. Though the young ADA pushed boundaries, she certainly understood and upheld the values of the court. "Counsel approach," she called.

Olivia watched carefully as the judge entered a discussion with Langan and Alex. While the blonde looked clearly uptight, what Petrovsky was saying seemed calm enough... Elliot nudged his partner. "What's up with Alex?"

Olivia shrugged, "I honestly have no idea."

A minute or so later, Petrovsky sent Alex and a very irritated Langan away from her stand. "We will recess until the start of business day tomorrow." Before she had even banged her gavel, Alex was rushing out of the courtroom. Concerned, Olivia stood up and shuffled through the crowd, following quickly behind her. Women's restroom. She should've guessed. Sighing, she entered the bathroom and found the stall Alex was crouched over in.

She knelt down and tried to soothe the whimpering blonde. "I hate this," Alex groaned miserably before retching again.

"I know sweetie, I'm sorry," Olivia lamented calmly. A few minutes later, they headed back into the lobby of the courthouse. Fin was waiting there with Alex's briefcase, which she had forgotten in her rush. They thanked him and muttered an excuse of a stomach bug before heading out the back of the building to avoid the press that Alex was in no way fit to deal with. When they got back to the apartment, Olivia helped Alex change into some comfortable clothes – one of her old NYPD tee shirts – and settled the wearied attorney into bed. She returned a few minutes later with a copy of _What To Expect When You're Expecting_ and a mug of tea, the latter of which she handed to Alex. The blond smiled appreciatively, taking a sip of the warm liquid.

"Mmm, this is delicious. What kind of tea is this?"

"Peppermint."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:**

Thank you so much for the reviews trace619, Bkwrmchar, Lily Rickman, and IBME! Really keeps me encouraged to keep on updating with frequency. I hope you enjoy this next chapter!

Also, just kidding with the timeline. I've been trying to sort this out as I've been going because I've been changing plot line from the original. Let's say last chapter took place at the end of November and that they got married back in late December. Okay? Okay :)

Also, this started getting a little smutty before I started getting a lot embarrassed. So some of this is NSFW.

**Song:** "Capturing Moods" by Rilo Kiley

**Chapter 8:**

"Olivia!" the brunette heard Alex yell from the bedroom. _Shit_, she thought to herself, dropping her bagel onto the plate and rushing full-speed down the hallway.

"What's wrong? Are you okay? Did you slip? Are you hurt?" Olivia babbled as she rushed into the room, completely panicked. Alex was standing in front of the mirror, one hand poised flippantly on her hip, pouting. Pulled up around her waist was an unzipped pencil skirt.

"It doesn't fit," the blonde whined, frustration evident in her tone as she continued to tug on the skirt.

Olivia sighed with relief. "Hang on, sweetie. Let me see if I can get it," the brunette responded calmly, aware of how on edge Alex had been of late. She stood behind the blonde and attempted to pull up the zipper on her skirt, stopping as she felt resistance. Alex tried to suck in her stomach to help but her efforts were without avail. "Sorry, Lex, I don't think this is going to work."

The young attorney sighed heavily and began jumping slightly in an attempt to force the fastening couldn't help but giggle slightly at the sight, something that did not go unnoticed by the blonde. "What," she growled sharply, turning and giving the detective an icy glare, "Is this all funny to you?"

Olivia mentally cursed herself, realizing her mistake. "Oh no, baby, not at all. You just looked cute..."

"Cute?!" Alex practically screeched. "What the hell is cute about this?" she continued, gesturing to her disheveled appearance and slightly noticeable bump. "I look utterly horrible."

"Sweetheart, you don't look horrible," Olivia said, taking a cautious step towards the blonde, "You're pregnant..."

Alex held up a hand, stopping her wife in her track. "Oh no no, don't pull that bullshit with me, Olivia. That whole, you're pregnant and curvy. I don't look pregnant. I have gained ten fucking pounds so far and it certainly hasn't been a bump," she yelled, gesturing towards her still fairly-flat mid-section. While Alex had lost some muscle tone and gained weight thus far in her pregnancy, she had yet to have that belly "pop" moment.

Olivia attempted to reassure the blonde, resting her hands on her hips. "Lex, it sometimes happens this way. The doctor said your body is still preparing..." Alex, however, was a force to be reckoned with. She pulled sharply away from the brunette and stormed into their closet.

Olivia sighed heavily. "Alex..." she groaned, knowing her attempts were futile at this point. Over the past week, it seemed that anything could set Alex off. Last night, it had been the fact that Olivia had inadvertently stolen most of the comforter in her sleep ("Don't worry, I'm not cold or anything..."). Elliot had asked her for a warrant the other day, she had practically bit his head off ("And how do you expect me to get that _detective_? You want me to grab some freaking evidence from out of your ass?") And God help any defense attorney or perp who went up against her – actually, that was one allocation of anger Olivia didn't mind... Regardless, Olivia couldn't help but flinch when she heard Alex's voice once more.

"Where the hell is my dry cleaning," the blonde ask, emerging from the closet.

Uh oh. Olivia bit her bottom lip nervously, trying to figure out the best way to approach this situation. "Oh, shit, sweetie, I'm so sorry. I must have forgotten to pick it up yesterday..."

Alex threw her hands up in exasperation. "Oh, _forgot_! That's great," she responded sarcastically, "So, I should just prepare myself for when you _forget_ to pick up diapers or _forget_ when to feed the baby... or hell, I should probably make sure to text you a reminder so you don't _forget_ to show up to the birth itself!"

"I'm sorry Alex. I haven't slept. It must have slipped my..."

"_You_ haven't slept," Alex interrupted, completely irate, "I've been up since three this morning puking my guts out, Olivia!"

"I know baby. I'm sorry," she said, slowly and cautiously moving to give Alex a comforting hug. She was met by the attorney's hands pressing against her shoulders, pushing her away.

"Don't! They _hurt_!" Alex explained.

"Alex, what are you talking about?" Olivia breathed, frustrated, furrowing her brow.

"My boobs," Alex moaned, clasping her hands over her swollen chest.

"Honey, that's normal..."

Suddenly, Alex broke down into tears. "This... is all... your fault," the blonde hiccuped, sobs quickening. Olivia started to reach out for her but then stopped, utterly confused as to what to do. She sighed heavily, running her fingers through her caramel brown hair. This was going to be a long morning.

~*~*~*~*Page Break ~*~*~*~*

Needless to say, the couple was late for work. Liz Donnelly watched as the detective dropped off several heavy volumes of law cases onto her wife's desk. As she went to leave, Olivia hesitated, deciding after a few seconds to place a tentative kiss on the attorney's cheek. The blonde seemed thoroughly uninterested and was already sorting through a pile of paperwork as the brunette muttered a quick goodbye. Donnelly waited for the detective to exit and head towards the 1-6 before stepping into the ADA's office. Perching herself on the arm of Alex's leather sofa, she watched as the younger blonde shuffled through her briefcase in search of a document. As if she were discussing the weather – and without so much as a "hello" – she asked, "So Alex, when are you due?" Alex swung around immediately, eyes wide as a deer in the headlights, jaw dropped.

"How did you... what are you... I'm not pre..." she stuttered.

"Cut the shit, Cabot. I've been working in law for forty years now. I can tell when someone's lying."

Alex sighed heavily, lifting her black-rimmed glasses to rub the bridge of her nose in frustration. "Liz, _please_ keep this quiet. Olivia and I aren't ready to tell anyone yet until I'm further along.

Donnelly smirked, satisfied, "And how far along would that be?"

"Eleven weeks." She paused for a moment. "How did you know..."

"Well, you've denied every drink offered to you over the past couple of months with bogus excuses. You can hardly scarf down a graham cracker without looking queasy. And poor Olivia's been dancing around you on eggshells for the past couple of weeks." She watched Alex grimace and then added with a smile, "Plus a claim for several OBGYN appointments just went through insurance." Alex shook her head; she couldn't even be shocked. "I'll let you finish your prep," Donnelly said, reopening the door, "Your secret's safe with me. But be careful Alex; remember where you work. I wouldn't be surprised if some of Olivia's fellow detectives have an inkling as well."

Meanwhile, at the precinct, Olivia settled down at her desk and began to sort through some DD5s. "So how's Hurricane Alex?" Elliot asked his partner as he looked up from his own work.

Olivia groaned. "Let's just say with the way things are going, you may be investigating my homicide sometime soon."

Elliot snickered, slapping her on the shoulder as he stood to get a cup of coffee. "Don't worry partner. This part's the worst. At least until the delivery room that is." He watched Olivia's eyes widen. "On a brighter note, how are the plans working out for tonight?" he asked.

Olivia shrugged her shoulders. "Pretty well, I guess. I don't even think she remembers what today is."

"I'm sure she'll love it," Elliot reassured her.

~*~*~*~*Page Break ~*~*~*~*

"Liv?" Alex called, entering the apartment. She tossed her keys down onto the counter. "Are you home?" Met with silence, she sighed, slightly relieved to have some time to herself. She was utterly exhausted – her entire body completely sore, she hadn't eaten all day, and she was working on a really painful headache. All she wanted to do right now was take a nice long bath and then curl up on in bed and go to sleep.

When she got to the bedroom, however, Alex was shocked to find her favorite blue dress laying out on the bed. Lying on top of it was a post it note. Olivia's handwriting. It read: "Alex, put this on and head to your car. There's an address programmed into you GPS. Meet me there at 8. Love you, Liv." _What in the world was she up to?_ Alex furrowed her brow at the note. _Only one way to find out_. Alex changed into the dress, pleased by the fact that it still fit and seemed to hug her in the right places. She then took some time to fix her hair, curling the blond locks and pulling them up partially so they framed her face. She then grabbed a pair of Jimmy Choos – comfortable but stylish – and grabbed her purse, ready to embark on the adventure Olivia had sent her on. When she got to her car, she couldn't help but smile. Stuck to the GPS was another post-it: "Can't wait to see you, Gorgeous!" Turning on the device, she found an address she couldn't identify. Though tempted to google it on her smartphone, she decided not to spoil the surprise and instead aimlessly followed the directions the automated voice told her to. 10 minutes later, she pulled up to a small Italian restaurant. Waiting outside the doors was Olivia. Alex felt her breath catch in the back of her throat. Her wife looked stunning, the breeze messing her shoulder-length hair slightly as she stood there with a large smile; she was wearing a deep red, halter dress – a dress that Alex mentioned once was her favorite for the way it emphasized each and every curve, accenting her natural beauty. After parking her car, she hurried across the parking lot to met her. Olivia pulled her into a romantic kiss, wrapping her arms tightly around the blonde. Pulling away slightly, she leaned over to whisper into Alex's ear, "You look so beautiful."

Before Alex could say anything, Olivia whisked her into the building. Alex tried to absorb the situation as she let Olivia guide her up the stairs to the scenic and splendidly adorned rooftop patio. A chain of white lights glimmered on the overhang, illuminating a simply set table for two, decorated only by a simply white table cloth and a bouquet of flowers. A waiter moved to help them both into there seats. "What is all this?" Alex sputtered, completely overwhelmed.

Olivia smiled sweetly. "Happy anniversary."

Alex felt like she had been hit by a ton of bricks. She thought back to this morning when Olivia had leaned over her in their bed, about to say something when Alex shoved her off, making a mad dash to the bathroom. She hadn't even given Olivia a chance before starting the infamous clothing argument. With everything going on – the physical and emotional changes she was already experiencing – Alex felt like she had been in a blur the past couple of weeks. The fact that it was their anniversary, a reminder of the best day of her life so far, had completely slipped her mind. And this broke her heart. She was so overwhelmed and she realized now how much of that stress she had been unduly taking out on Olivia, who was the furthest from deserving it. She felt a few tears slip from her eyes.

"Hey, don't cry baby," she heard Olivia say softly, leaning over to wipe them from her cheeks with the pad of her thumbs.

"I am so sorry, Liv!" Alex sobbed, "I've been such a bitch to you lately. I can't believe..."

Olivia offered a sweet smile, taking Alex's hands between her own. "Alex, I love you so much. I can't imagine how you've been feeling. It's okay, baby. I'm with you through all of this. I promise."

Waterworks. Alex leaned over and kissed Olivia hard on her mouth. "I love you too. You're incredible. I don't deserve this at all. I've been... psychotic."

"Of course you do." She smiled, "And anyway, I knew that crazy came with the package before we even started to date." Grabbing a bottle of apple cider, she continued, "Now, let's get this party started."

~*~*~*~*Page Break ~*~*~*~*

"You're such a romantic," Alex teased, pressing herself closer against Olivia and capturing her lips. "Who did your dirty work?" The couple had come home to a dozen roses in a glass vase sitting on their bedside table, melting candles illuminating the room.

"Elliot may have owned me big time for some past favours."

"I'll say," Alex chuckled before Olivia silenced her with another passionate kiss. Things became heated quickly. Alex fumbled with the zipper on Olivia's dress and the brunette helped in freeing herself from the unwanted garment, revealing a black lace bra and matching set of boy shorts. Alex loved Olivia's ability to mix the masculine with the feminine, protector with comforter, hard and soft. She ravenously began placing heated kisses up and down her collar bone, sucking gently on her olive skin. She heard Olivia moan softly, moving to remove Alex's own clothing.

As she gently moved Alex back towards the bed, she unzipped the blonde's dress. Within seconds, the blond was equally bare. Olivia couldn't help but take a moment to stare at her wife, to admire the fullness that her body had assumed. For a moment, Alex looked uncomfortable under her wife's gaze, crossing her arms around her stomach. Olivia gently uncrossed them and interlaced their fingers. Looking Alex in the eye, she brought their hands down so that they were resting at the blonde's sides. Then, not breaking eye contact with the attorney, Olivia began to move her hands down Alex's sides slowly, taking in each and every new curve she was gaining. Finally looking at the blonde's body, she kneeled down between Alex's legs and placed a kiss on her stomach. Looking up into Alex's cerulean pools, she intertwined their hands again and breathed, "You are so incredibly beautiful." Alex felt her eyes filling with tears and she quickly slid up onto the bed, pulling Olivia to move and hover over her. Unlatching Alex's white lace bra, Olivia stripped her partner of the garment and gently palmed her soft breasts. She noticed Alex wince against her touch. "I'm sorry," she whispered, moving her hands to Alex's hips. "Are you okay, baby? We can stop if you're not feeling up to it," she offered, breath tickling Alex's collarbone.

Alex shook her head, dragging her hand down Olivia's olive back. "I can't think of anything I want more at this moment, she said, scrapping her nails gently across the skin. Reaching Olivia's panties, she gave a small tug. The detective acquiesced and moved the offending article, slipping them down her toned legs. Alex caught Olivia's mouth in a fierce kiss as she pushed her palms against the detective's shoulders, indicated that she wanted to take control. Olivia carefully helped flip them so that Alex was now on top. Straddling her waist, Alex took advantage of the position and adeptly stripped Olivia of her last garment, taking a moment to admire the detective's ample chest. Palming one of the breasts with her hand, she captured the other deeply-colored nipple in her mouth, earning a groan from the detective, who laced her fingers through Alex's hair, pulling her closer.

The couple made love to each other into the early hours of the morning. After a couple of weeks, the two could hardly keep their hands off of one another and were both eager to physically express their affection. As Alex lay in Olivia's arms later that night, perfectly content, she felt the detective's hand slide off of her hip and onto her abdomen, rubbing small and gentle circles.

"I love you, Olivia," she murmured tiredly.

"I love you so much, Alex. Both of you," Olivia whispered back, pressing her lips against Alex's shoulder blade. Alex smiled, moving her hand to grasp the last part Olivia's birthday present: a simple sterling silver necklace composed of three entwined circles – one representing the couple and the smallest, the new addition to their family.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Sorry for the delay in updates! I've been away and didn't have time to do much writing. I'll try to update again today (fingers crossed) to make it up to you guys

Song: Whisper by A Fine Frenzy

Chapter 9: Whisper

"Olivia... Liv... baby..." Olivia rustled underneath the covers before prying her eyes open to discover the source of the whispers that invaded her sleep. She was met by a set of anticipant blue eyes leaning over her.

"Lex, what are you doing up right now? Is everything okay?" she asked nervously, placing a hand on the curve of Alex's stomach. The blonde nodded vigorously.

"Do we have any bacon?"

"What?" Olivia asked, blinking her eyes from both fatigue and confusion.

As though it was obvious, the attorney repeated, "Bacon. Do we have any?"

"Baby," she yawned, running her fingers through the ends of Alex's long golden hair. "It's three in the morning. You don't even like bacon."

"But I want it," Alex whined. An idea came to her mind and she clarified, "The baby wants it."

Olivia yawned again, starting to close her eyes. "Then I'll get it for you both in the morning..." she muttered, starting to doze off.

"Please Liv!" she said, shaking Olivia gently. "I'm starving," she continued dramatically, "And technically it is morning..."

Olivia groaned, pulling herself up so she was leaning against the headboard of their bed. She held both of Alex's hands and looked her wife dead in the eyes, "And you want me to get up, go to the store, bring home bacon, and make it for you right _now_."

Alex pouted. "For the baby too," she reminded.

Olivia sighed heavily, shaking her head as she pulled herself from the comfort of the blankets. "You are crazy," she said, slipping on a pair of sneakers and grabbing her jacket.

Alex smiled, satisfied, "But you love me."

Fifteen minutes later, Olivia returned from the 24-hour market located a few blocks from their house. Dragging her exhausted body back into the apartment, she turned on the stove top and started to fry some bacon. She took a sip of the coffee she had picked up as well, struggling to stay awake so as to not burn the house down.

A few minutes later, she dropped the finished product onto a plate and, without even bothering to clean up, headed back to the bedroom. Pulling open the door, she grumbled, "Here you are Your Highness, bacon fresh of the..." She stopped mid-sentence and couldn't help chuckle at the sight. Alex was out cold, her arm draped over where Olivia normally lay, blonde hair covering her face. The brunette smiled softly, placing the plate on the dresser before crawling back into bed and wrapping her arms around her partner. A few minutes later, just as Olivia was dozing back off, she felt Alex move uncomfortably before mumbling:

"Ugh, could you please get rid of whatever that is. The smell's making me sick."

~*~*Page Break~*~*

"She said she would be here," Alex explained with a sigh, "I'm sorry. It's just with her work and everything, things can come up unexpectedly." The blonde thumbed at her phone again, checking for any missed texts or calls. None.

Dr. Gil smiled sympathetically. "If you would like we could try to wait a few more minutes..."

Alex shook her head, "No, we don't want to inconvenience you guys. Let's get started." Alex layed back on the examination table, forcing a small smile even though she was extremely upset that it seemed as though Olivia would be missing their first ultrasound.

"Okay then, just a few things beforehand. Let's take a look at that belly of your, Alex. Lie down on the table." Alex complied, lifting her shirt to expose a small but markedly present bump. Dr. Gil took a few moments to feel around her abdomen, marking down a few measurements. "Everything looks great. Okay, let me grab some gel now..."

She was interrupted by the door swinging open. "Hey, I am so sorry I'm late," Olivia apologized breathlessly, hurrying into the examination room. "We caught a case and I had to be at the scene. I came as fast as I could..." She walked over to Alex's side and placed a kiss first on Alex's forehead and then her bump before looking around for any evidence of the ultrasound machine having been used.

"It's okay baby, you didn't miss anything," Alex said with a smile.

"Yep, we just reviewed Alex's tests and were doing a quick abdominal exam." Olivia looked at her expectantly, at the doctor smiled at her concern, "Everything looks wonderful. And she has a bump now to prove it."

Alex grinned. "It just seemed to pop up a couple of days ago," she said, rubbing her hand along her small but markedly present bump.

"That's how it always seems to happen," Dr. Gil explained. "Okay, I won't keep you two waiting any longer," she continued, rolling over the ultrasound machine. Olivia and Alex both were unable to contain their excitement, large smiles plastered on both of their faces. Olivia leaned over to take her wife's hand. "Okay Alex, this may be a bit cold." The blonde shuddered slightly from the sensation of the cold ultrasound gel. Dr. Gil then began to move the applicator around Alex's small belly. A few seconds later, a soft, rhythmic thud filled the room. "Now that's your baby's heartbeat," Dr. Gil said with a smile. Alex couldn't believe it. Although she had known that she was pregnant for a couple of months now, it hadn't felt completely real until this point. She was carrying their baby – a tiny, living baby. Feeling her eyes getting glassy, she turned to look at Olivia, who was also choking back tears. The brunette squeezed her hand and placed a kiss on her forehead. Dr. Gil flipped a switch on the machine, turning on the monitor screen. An image of fluxing grey waves appears. "One moment..." the doctor muttered, trying to focus the image. "There. Alex, Olivia, take a look at your baby." Within that nebulous swirl was the image of something resembling an infant.

Alex felt her breath catch as Dr. Gil pointed out the head, the feet, the little hands. Taking a moment to tear her eyes from the screen, she looked at the brunette, who was similarly fixated. "That's our baby, Alex," she almost whispered, "that's _our_ baby."

Alex turned back to watch the image, which was now moving around. "I... I can't believe it," she stuttered, almost speechless from momentousness. She watched as her child moved his or her hand to what appeared to be their mouth. "Are they...sucking their thumb?"

Dr. Gil smiled. "Yep, some babies do that in-utero." She watched happily as the couple continued fixate on their child. Reluctant to interrupt this precious moment, but knowing as well this may be equally exciting for them, she interjected, "So, are you two interested in finding out the baby's sex today?" Alex and Olivia looked at one another in shock before nodding vehemently.

After the sex was disclosed, Olivia could no longer help but allow a couple of tears from streaming down her cheeks. After all she and Alex had been through, from dancing around each other's feelings to nearly losing each other forever during the Velez case to finally deciding to start a family, she had never felt so utterly happy. She was going to have a child with a woman she loved, a woman she had almost lost for more reasons than one. And in this moment it felt so incredibly real. Dr. Gil printed the couple a few ultrasound images and finished cleaning Alex up before leaving the room to give the two some private time with one another. When she was gone, Olivia stood up in front of Alex, looking at her in what could only be described as in awe. She moved her hands to Alex's, intertwining their fingers and placing them upon her bump. The two remained in peaceful silence for a moment, resting their foreheads against one another and looking at Alex's belly as though they could see right through it to the precious thing lying inside. A few minutes later, Olivia kissed Alex passionately, the saltiness of each of their happy tears melding in both of their mouths. "You are _amazing_," Olivia murmured against her lips before moving to rest her lips on Alex's stomach. In that moment, Olivia realized that she would protect those two with her life, no matter what it came down to.

~*~*Page Break~*~*

The ecstatic couple returned back to the NYPD headquarters that evening after taking a quick pit stop to pick up some maternity clothes for Alex. They walked hand-in-hand into the precinct, an uncommon display of affection in the workplace when it came to them. At this point, however, the two could hardly keep their eyes off of one another, let alone their hands.

"What are you two so giddy about?" Munch asked, looking up from his newest book on the Kennedy assassination.

"Nothing much," Olivia responded, attempting to be nonchalant, "Just doing so shopping. Picked up something for my desk."

"Never thought you were one for shopping," Fin said skeptically, "What are you so excited about?"

Olivia just smiled, pulling out a frame from her desk which she placed next a photo of herself and Alex on their wedding day. Without a word, she returned to Alex's side, wrapping her arm around her waist. Fin raised an eyebrow, walking across room to see what was going on. Reaching across Olivia's desk, he picked up the small black frame and flipped it over. An ultrasound image. "Wait a second. This isn't what I think it is..."

Meeting the gaze of two very confused detectives, Alex simply opened her jacket, revealing her small bump that was now quite visible under the tight knit sweater she had changed into.

Chuckling at the drop jaws of her colleagues, Olivia exclaimed, "You guys, meet baby Cabot-Benson, our little girl."

There was a shocked silence, and Fin was the first to respond. With an uncharacteristically large smile, he placed the frame back on the desk and walked over to the anticipant couple. "Congratulations," he bellowed, pulling them both into a tight hug. He looked at Alex and gestured to her stomach, "May I?" The blonde nodded and Fin bent down and placed a palm on her stomach. "Hey baby girl. Welcome to the family."

Munch stood up from his desk and headed over to the group. "If I had known you two had been in the market, I would have been glad to provide you with a donation," he said with a smirk.

"They don't want your crazy-ass sperm," Fin said, slapping Olivia on the shoulder. The couple chuckled and Munch shot Fin a glare. "Well, congrats anyway," he said with a smile, hugging Alex. "Mazel tov," he said, doing the same to Olivia.

"What's with the pow-wow?" Cragen said, entering the squad room with Elliot in tow. Munch and Fin looked at the pair expectantly.

Olivia took a deep breath. "Well, Captain, let's just say in a few months Elliot won't be the only one on diaper duty," she explained with a small smile. Cragen's eyes widened as what his detective just told him registered, gazing at his ADA's swollen stomach. He then broke out into a large grin and hurried over to give Olivia a bear hug.

"You're on desk duty, this point on."

"Cap, I'm not even the one whose's pregnant!" Olivia said in shock. Cragen sighed.

"Fine, but you're going to be extremely careful then. This little one's going to need you safe and sound," he said, placing a hand on Alex's belly.

"Don't worry Cap, we got her back," Fin said. The rest of the boys nodded in agreement.

Cragen smiled and turned to Alex, "Congratulations!"

"Thanks Don," she said, giving him a hug.

Elliot smiled at the exchanges occurring in front of him. "So you two, any words on the sex?"

"A girl," Alex beamed.

Elliot smiled widely and gave his partner a congratulatory slap on the back. "Looks like Eli's going to have a little girlfriend."

Olivia glared at him, moving over to her wife's side, "Don't even think about it, El. I know how you Stabler boys can be," she said playfully, placing her arm protectively around Alex's bump.

"Not even born yet and Liv's already all protective," Munch teased.

"You expect anything else," Fin said with a chuckle.

"I think this all deserves a celebration. Leave the work for tomorrow. Drinks at McGregor's, my treat." He turned at look down at Alex protectively, "Except for you of course, young lady." Olivia smiled at Cragen, touched by how much her surrogate father figure looked out for she and Alex alike. Grabbing Alex's hand, she and the group headed out to the bar to welcome the newest member of the 1-6.

~*~*Page Break~*~*

Later that night, Olivia found Alex standing in the doorway of the guest room, what would soon be the nursery. Walking to stand next to the blonde, she wrapped her arm around her. Alex smiled and rested her head on Olivia's shoulder. "We need to paint."

Olivia placed a kiss on the crown of her head. "_You_ will be doing none of that." Sensing Alex's protest, she continued, "Paint fumes can be bad for the baby. You pick out the color, tell me where you want it, and I'll get it done."

"At least have Elliot help you."

Olivia nodded, pulling the blonde into a tighter embrace. "Come on, let's go to bed. It's been a long day."

Hand in hand, the couple headed to their room and stripped for bed. Sliding under the covers, Alex rested herself against Olivia's side. The detective rested an arm around her waist. Just as she began to doze off, she heard Alex's soft whisper. "Can you believe this is happening."

Olivia just smiled contently. For once, yes, she could.


End file.
